| You Are a Prophet Soul |
 You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul |
Friday, July 21, 2006
In Tune with My Soul
Thursday, July 20, 2006
this is why myspace is addicting
Here's the truth: I was never into facebook in college. I hated the concept, I hated the distraction, and I hated the pressure to "fit in" by doing it. I thought it was the stupidest thing and didn't want to waste my time always being on it. So I never did it.
I viewed myspace as the same type of deal. However, Suzette and Annie did it this year, and I figured that it may be a great way to keep in touch with them and other GVV-related peeps after this year was over. Besides, I was bored and was feeling crazy out of touch with tons of people, so I succumbed to the pressure and the "trend" and joined myspace. The cool thing is, I have since gotten back in touch with Circle K graduates, a couple college buddies I don't hardly ever get to talk to, and GET THIS -- my best friend from when I was 4-8 years old!
This girl and I lived next door to each other from the time we were born til the time we both moved away at the beginning of second grade. She's the one who got me into dance -- her sister started so we started. Megan was HELLA better than me, by a million, but we had some fun times together when we were little. The thing is, when we both moved, she had already joined the performing lines at our dance studio. She became the cool popular girl (she was of course pretty and talented) and I became the geek (glasses, not as coordinated, etc.) So, we went our separate ways. We haven't seen each other or spoken in probably 14-15 years? I have oftend wondered about how things have gone for her. She left Dance Shoppe and I didn't know where she went to high school until I came across her picture in a friend's yearbook. I didn't have a clue what she did for college or anything, and I had no idea how her family was doing. But, I found her on myspace and sent her a message saying hi, sending my best wishes, told her I was glad to see she was still dancing because she was always amazing and her ability/passion always inspired me, and asked about her family. I didn't know if she'd respond or not, but I thought what the hell, why not give it a shot! At least she knows she's a good memory to an old friend, and that's not the worst thing in the world. But, see, here's the funny part. SHE WROTE BACK! She said, "this is why I joined myspace!" She said she was shocked and excited to hear from me and even called her mom to tell her! :) lol she told me about her brother and sisters (her sister, who I can only picture as a baby is now a SENIOR in HIGH SCHOOL! I can't even begin to imagine what any of them look like!) and about dancing out in California and moving back to Minnesota. It's amazing what these networking things can do. This meant more to me and put a bigger smile on my face than any other connection I could possibly make through this thing. I mean, seriously, we've always wondered what happened to each other and now here's our chance to find out! I don't ever expect us to be friends again, but it's so cool that we have the chance to reconnect and at least learn about what the other's life has been like since we were 8. She doesn't even know I have a cat or that my parents are divorced, and those have been part of my life's story for EVER! I'm just excited she wrote back. It's pretty kick ass how these things work. If I've learned anything from this, it's that God really DOES open doors, and life really is about destiny and fate. :)
Ok, it's late, I'll admit it. But seriously, how cool is it to know that you're not the only one who wondered whatever happened to someone else? Oh, and speaking of, I recently discovered during some random Googling that the son of my old daycare lady, a boy 4 years my junior whose mission in life at the time was to make MY life miserable, is this incredible sought-after hockey player who rocked the Twin Cities, played on some minor-league summer teams, and is playing Div-1 hockey this fall at a major university. The pictures of this 7-going-on-19 year old is unbelieveable. LOL, if they could see me now...
I viewed myspace as the same type of deal. However, Suzette and Annie did it this year, and I figured that it may be a great way to keep in touch with them and other GVV-related peeps after this year was over. Besides, I was bored and was feeling crazy out of touch with tons of people, so I succumbed to the pressure and the "trend" and joined myspace. The cool thing is, I have since gotten back in touch with Circle K graduates, a couple college buddies I don't hardly ever get to talk to, and GET THIS -- my best friend from when I was 4-8 years old!
This girl and I lived next door to each other from the time we were born til the time we both moved away at the beginning of second grade. She's the one who got me into dance -- her sister started so we started. Megan was HELLA better than me, by a million, but we had some fun times together when we were little. The thing is, when we both moved, she had already joined the performing lines at our dance studio. She became the cool popular girl (she was of course pretty and talented) and I became the geek (glasses, not as coordinated, etc.) So, we went our separate ways. We haven't seen each other or spoken in probably 14-15 years? I have oftend wondered about how things have gone for her. She left Dance Shoppe and I didn't know where she went to high school until I came across her picture in a friend's yearbook. I didn't have a clue what she did for college or anything, and I had no idea how her family was doing. But, I found her on myspace and sent her a message saying hi, sending my best wishes, told her I was glad to see she was still dancing because she was always amazing and her ability/passion always inspired me, and asked about her family. I didn't know if she'd respond or not, but I thought what the hell, why not give it a shot! At least she knows she's a good memory to an old friend, and that's not the worst thing in the world. But, see, here's the funny part. SHE WROTE BACK! She said, "this is why I joined myspace!" She said she was shocked and excited to hear from me and even called her mom to tell her! :) lol she told me about her brother and sisters (her sister, who I can only picture as a baby is now a SENIOR in HIGH SCHOOL! I can't even begin to imagine what any of them look like!) and about dancing out in California and moving back to Minnesota. It's amazing what these networking things can do. This meant more to me and put a bigger smile on my face than any other connection I could possibly make through this thing. I mean, seriously, we've always wondered what happened to each other and now here's our chance to find out! I don't ever expect us to be friends again, but it's so cool that we have the chance to reconnect and at least learn about what the other's life has been like since we were 8. She doesn't even know I have a cat or that my parents are divorced, and those have been part of my life's story for EVER! I'm just excited she wrote back. It's pretty kick ass how these things work. If I've learned anything from this, it's that God really DOES open doors, and life really is about destiny and fate. :)
Ok, it's late, I'll admit it. But seriously, how cool is it to know that you're not the only one who wondered whatever happened to someone else? Oh, and speaking of, I recently discovered during some random Googling that the son of my old daycare lady, a boy 4 years my junior whose mission in life at the time was to make MY life miserable, is this incredible sought-after hockey player who rocked the Twin Cities, played on some minor-league summer teams, and is playing Div-1 hockey this fall at a major university. The pictures of this 7-going-on-19 year old is unbelieveable. LOL, if they could see me now...
Monday, July 17, 2006
Greg's Job Prayer Advice
For all those looking for employment and don't mind a little bit of faith-based advice, here's what a dear friend of mine suggested:
Pray that God will open and close doors as he sees fit.
I personally used to always pray that God's will would be made known to me, but this seems a more direct request. :)
With this job offer that I'm not so sure about, and a couple other job opportunities still in the waiting game, I'm up for ANY kind of prayer. :)
Pray that God will open and close doors as he sees fit.
I personally used to always pray that God's will would be made known to me, but this seems a more direct request. :)
With this job offer that I'm not so sure about, and a couple other job opportunities still in the waiting game, I'm up for ANY kind of prayer. :)
Saturday, July 15, 2006
My sad and pathetic life
I just realized tonight, as I sat and watched tv, read a book, and constantly looked people up on myspace, that I am really sad and pathetic. I haven't held company with anyone my own age (except for a stepbrother who is 5 years my junior) in the two weeks since I left St. Louis! It's amazing what a drag your social life can be when you don't really know anyone back home and you don't want to take the time to meet anyone new because you're in transition and will be leaving soon!
I really need to get a life. I think too much, don't get enough fresh air or exercise (other than the handy treadmill downstairs), and I'm memorizing yet again the summer television schedule. I haven't even been scrapbooking! It's all tv, computers, and books. The occasional cribbage game with Michael, the occasional outing with my family, the occasional trip to the grocery store or Target or Michaels... This is really pathetic.
I am looking forward to my trip to Wisconsin/Chicago/Kansas City. I hope that this job situation sorts itself out by then, so I can at least apartment hunt while I'm in Chi-town. It'll give me something productive to look forward to doing.
Somehow I don't think I'm going to be doing any cleaning while Mom and John are in Alaska.
I really need to get a life. I think too much, don't get enough fresh air or exercise (other than the handy treadmill downstairs), and I'm memorizing yet again the summer television schedule. I haven't even been scrapbooking! It's all tv, computers, and books. The occasional cribbage game with Michael, the occasional outing with my family, the occasional trip to the grocery store or Target or Michaels... This is really pathetic.
I am looking forward to my trip to Wisconsin/Chicago/Kansas City. I hope that this job situation sorts itself out by then, so I can at least apartment hunt while I'm in Chi-town. It'll give me something productive to look forward to doing.
Somehow I don't think I'm going to be doing any cleaning while Mom and John are in Alaska.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Shit
I got offered a job, and I'm not sure if I want it. St. Procopius, a Catholic elementary school in Chicago, offered me a Development & Student Recruitment Director position in its 220-student Hispanic grade school. It has decent pay, freedom and flexibility, and would be working in an environment I learned to love this past year in St. Louis (inner city Catholic elementary school). So what are my hesitations? One, they want me there August 1, which would SO not be happening. The other thing that could be either a positive or a negative is that it would be a one-person show -- I would be the entire Development department, rather than working on a development team. I would work with the pastor and the principal, but pretty much would be in charge of the entire school's development plan myself. That could be an awesome thing, but it could also be a little overwhelming. I'm not sure if I'm ready to take on that kind of project myself. Yes I'd like a challenge, but part of me wants my first job to be in the safety zone of a well-known organization where I might have some opportunity for advancement, AND where I'd have people working with and above me who could teach me a great deal. Do I want to be isolated, working by myself, or do I want to be part of a group environment? Also, there's little room for lateral advancement -- I work this job a couple years, and if I decide it's time for a change, I have to leave the school to get the next level of employment. The school is a Big Shoulders school and I find Big Shoulders to be an awesome organization. However, I don't really know how much direct contact I'd have with BSF or the organizations that give St. Procopius money.
Part of me thinks, "This is a great opportunity to learn and to see what you can do! I know I'd succeed and would do great things for that school" and that same part of me says "Those kids deserve someone to stand up for them and get them money and resources. Other schools have a whole team dedicated to doing just that, and yet this school and these kids might not have anyone if I don't take this job (although they'd find someone else)." I feel like working at this school would continue the Vincentian mission and charism of working for and with the poor, because the kids come from very poor Hispanic families that do not have a lot of opportunity for education.
What would happen if either KIPP or CAWC offered me jobs too? What if they want to meet me and invite me in for second interviews? I suppose I could ask them the likelihood of that under the guise (or not so guise-ish) that I have another offer but am interested in their organizations and would like to know if I have a chance before committing to this job... I could also ask Fr. Tim if it would be alright for me to visit the school, meet him and the principal, and see the general area while I'm in Chicago at the end of July. At that point, if I do have second, in-person interviews with the other two places, I could figure it out and apartment hunt during those three days I have in Chi-town. Ideally, that's what would be awesome to happen. Realistically, I don't know what to expect to happen. Both KIPP and CAWC have missions I believe in, and of course I believe in quality Catholic education, which is what St. Procopius provides.
My gut instinct after the phone chat with Fr. Tim and after he sent me the "job description" was that he seemed unorganized, and didn't have a real solid plan or idea of what he wanted or what I'd be doing. Plus, from the little I know of the area from my visit to Cristo Rey, I don't really know how comfortable I'd be in that neighborhood. I really don't know. I believe gut instincts are important. At the same time, my gut instinct now (which might be biased by the fact that I've actually been offered a position) is that I'd enjoy working at St. Procopius and would not only like but would come to love the work and the kids and the school.
My only question is, if KIPP or CAWC were to offer me a job, would I take one of them over St. Procopius in a heartbeat or would I decide to take St. Procopius instead? And will I constantly be comparing St. Procopius to Cabrini, setting it up to be more than what it can be because I have such a high view and love of Cabrini?
If I could answer those questions, I would know whether or not to take this job. I pray that God guides my heart in this matter.
Part of me thinks, "This is a great opportunity to learn and to see what you can do! I know I'd succeed and would do great things for that school" and that same part of me says "Those kids deserve someone to stand up for them and get them money and resources. Other schools have a whole team dedicated to doing just that, and yet this school and these kids might not have anyone if I don't take this job (although they'd find someone else)." I feel like working at this school would continue the Vincentian mission and charism of working for and with the poor, because the kids come from very poor Hispanic families that do not have a lot of opportunity for education.
What would happen if either KIPP or CAWC offered me jobs too? What if they want to meet me and invite me in for second interviews? I suppose I could ask them the likelihood of that under the guise (or not so guise-ish) that I have another offer but am interested in their organizations and would like to know if I have a chance before committing to this job... I could also ask Fr. Tim if it would be alright for me to visit the school, meet him and the principal, and see the general area while I'm in Chicago at the end of July. At that point, if I do have second, in-person interviews with the other two places, I could figure it out and apartment hunt during those three days I have in Chi-town. Ideally, that's what would be awesome to happen. Realistically, I don't know what to expect to happen. Both KIPP and CAWC have missions I believe in, and of course I believe in quality Catholic education, which is what St. Procopius provides.
My gut instinct after the phone chat with Fr. Tim and after he sent me the "job description" was that he seemed unorganized, and didn't have a real solid plan or idea of what he wanted or what I'd be doing. Plus, from the little I know of the area from my visit to Cristo Rey, I don't really know how comfortable I'd be in that neighborhood. I really don't know. I believe gut instincts are important. At the same time, my gut instinct now (which might be biased by the fact that I've actually been offered a position) is that I'd enjoy working at St. Procopius and would not only like but would come to love the work and the kids and the school.
My only question is, if KIPP or CAWC were to offer me a job, would I take one of them over St. Procopius in a heartbeat or would I decide to take St. Procopius instead? And will I constantly be comparing St. Procopius to Cabrini, setting it up to be more than what it can be because I have such a high view and love of Cabrini?
If I could answer those questions, I would know whether or not to take this job. I pray that God guides my heart in this matter.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Young and Idealistic
I know I'm young, idealistic, and therefore awfully naive. I'm full of compassion, optimism, and some belief that people are generally good at heart.
When it comes to this job hunting stuff, being all that isn't necessarily the best business-minded thing. How do I tell two people I've only met once that I felt an instant connection that day, that they are the type of people I want to be "when I grow up" and I feel I could learn a lot from them as mentors. How do you ask someone you sought as an employer to be a mentor? Can you? Can you do that and then seek their advice on job searching matters? Can you ask about other agencies/schools that you might be interested in? How does that all work? Because I feel as though they COULD help me, and I would love to seek their advice, but I care about them as people to and want to get to know them personally, and how do I do all that without it seeming insincere or like I'm using them to get a job?
Like I said, I'm young and naive. There's a job opening that's pretty much for my taking if I want it, and I'm not sure I want it. It's basically fundraising/development and student recruitment, for a small Hispanic Catholic elementary school of 220 students. I could do it, but I feel like there's not a lot of guidance or support, and I've been to the neighborhood and am not sure if I would be comfortable or enjoy working there. But how do I know? What if this is what God wants me to do? I don't want the easy way out, but this would certainly not be easy it would just be the first thing that came along. I don't want to walk blindly into something and end up hating it. I want to have something more substantial to walk into if I'm moving to a brand new city.
Lord I don't know what to do. I know God is behind all of this pushing me towards the right thing. I just I could follow his clues, pushings, signs, hints, etc a little bit more closely. Maybe then I'd figure out exactly what the heck I am supposed to be doing, or at least some things I might/should be looking for!
It's all bloody relative isn't it :-P
When it comes to this job hunting stuff, being all that isn't necessarily the best business-minded thing. How do I tell two people I've only met once that I felt an instant connection that day, that they are the type of people I want to be "when I grow up" and I feel I could learn a lot from them as mentors. How do you ask someone you sought as an employer to be a mentor? Can you? Can you do that and then seek their advice on job searching matters? Can you ask about other agencies/schools that you might be interested in? How does that all work? Because I feel as though they COULD help me, and I would love to seek their advice, but I care about them as people to and want to get to know them personally, and how do I do all that without it seeming insincere or like I'm using them to get a job?
Like I said, I'm young and naive. There's a job opening that's pretty much for my taking if I want it, and I'm not sure I want it. It's basically fundraising/development and student recruitment, for a small Hispanic Catholic elementary school of 220 students. I could do it, but I feel like there's not a lot of guidance or support, and I've been to the neighborhood and am not sure if I would be comfortable or enjoy working there. But how do I know? What if this is what God wants me to do? I don't want the easy way out, but this would certainly not be easy it would just be the first thing that came along. I don't want to walk blindly into something and end up hating it. I want to have something more substantial to walk into if I'm moving to a brand new city.
Lord I don't know what to do. I know God is behind all of this pushing me towards the right thing. I just I could follow his clues, pushings, signs, hints, etc a little bit more closely. Maybe then I'd figure out exactly what the heck I am supposed to be doing, or at least some things I might/should be looking for!
It's all bloody relative isn't it :-P
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Those Lazy Days of Summer
I have been home for 6 days now, and it's been the laziest 6 days of my life it feels. Yet I don't feel like a sluggish bum, though I should. I have done very little except read, watch loads of tv, and spend time on the internet. I did go to dinner & fireworks with Mom and John for the 4th of July, which was nice minus the big "job talk". Wednesday night Mike came over for dinner, baseball and cribbage (whoo hoo, exciting night!) Thursday Mom and I had a girls day at the Mall of America, which included pedicures, window shopping, chats about men over lunch, and a girlie chick flick and ice cream to end the evening. Other than that, I've been wholed up here, doing pretty much nothing, feeling absolutely no motivation whatsoever, and getting quite accustomed to it.
Why do I feel like that's a bad thing?
Because I'm worried about getting depressed or just apathetic. I'm worried that I'll get so comfortable with not having a job that I won't work hard to get to Chicago, which is why I pushed so hard to begin with in March. I knew that moving home would allow me to vegetate, and grow roots, and would make the dream of Chicago not feel so exciting or pressing. It's weird not having people around all the time! I mean, there are no roommates, no priests, no one stopping by to work for the afternoon -- and though the quiet is nice, it's also a little anti-social. I have very few peers in Minnesota -- of my three high school friends, one I am in touch with quite a bit, one emails sporadically but is completely unreliable when it comes to making plans, and the other has pretty much left my life for reasons unknown to me. I have few if any college friends in Minnesota... a couple maybe, but they have work, they have lives. The only other two people I could possible hang out with have made life choices that I'm not sure I agree with or would be comfortable around.
It doesn't help any that half the people I know in the world who ARE my peers and ARE my friends are either half-way across the country and/or are either married, engaged, or in a serious relationship? This includes my best friend whose maid-of-honor I'll be in Novemeber and my dear friend/ex-boyfriend Greg who told me Thursday he asked his "former nun" girlfriend (LONG story) to marry him (!!). I don't tend to be bitter about relationships and not being in one, because I know I don't need a guy to make me happy and I know I'm not in a permanent enough place to think about dating anyway! I'm not really complaining about not having a social life, because I'm still getting used to the days of sleeping in and having no responsibilities. I also realize that at some point I will be moving, and I don't want to start making new friends when I'm going to be leaving soon! What's the point? It's hard when everyone around you either has life plans, friends close by, a job, and/or a relationship to make them happy, excited, and focused on something! I don't have that focus. I did, when it was Suzette & I getting each other pumped up about moving to Chicago and all the things we'd get to do and the people we'd meet... that all seems to have disappeared somehow. My adament desire and motivation seemed to zap away with that first night home and those 11 hours of sleep.
It's just weird for me to be here, with no one to talk to in person, no one to hang out with, NO CAR to go do random sight-seeing or exploring, and no desire or motivation to find a job, get a life, or do anything remotely related to living like a living, breathing, exciting human being. I am perfectly content to sit at home with my books, my computer, and my tv. I'm lonely and I don't know what to do with it. What the hell has happened to me in six short days?
GVVs, I miss you!
Why do I feel like that's a bad thing?
Because I'm worried about getting depressed or just apathetic. I'm worried that I'll get so comfortable with not having a job that I won't work hard to get to Chicago, which is why I pushed so hard to begin with in March. I knew that moving home would allow me to vegetate, and grow roots, and would make the dream of Chicago not feel so exciting or pressing. It's weird not having people around all the time! I mean, there are no roommates, no priests, no one stopping by to work for the afternoon -- and though the quiet is nice, it's also a little anti-social. I have very few peers in Minnesota -- of my three high school friends, one I am in touch with quite a bit, one emails sporadically but is completely unreliable when it comes to making plans, and the other has pretty much left my life for reasons unknown to me. I have few if any college friends in Minnesota... a couple maybe, but they have work, they have lives. The only other two people I could possible hang out with have made life choices that I'm not sure I agree with or would be comfortable around.
It doesn't help any that half the people I know in the world who ARE my peers and ARE my friends are either half-way across the country and/or are either married, engaged, or in a serious relationship? This includes my best friend whose maid-of-honor I'll be in Novemeber and my dear friend/ex-boyfriend Greg who told me Thursday he asked his "former nun" girlfriend (LONG story) to marry him (!!). I don't tend to be bitter about relationships and not being in one, because I know I don't need a guy to make me happy and I know I'm not in a permanent enough place to think about dating anyway! I'm not really complaining about not having a social life, because I'm still getting used to the days of sleeping in and having no responsibilities. I also realize that at some point I will be moving, and I don't want to start making new friends when I'm going to be leaving soon! What's the point? It's hard when everyone around you either has life plans, friends close by, a job, and/or a relationship to make them happy, excited, and focused on something! I don't have that focus. I did, when it was Suzette & I getting each other pumped up about moving to Chicago and all the things we'd get to do and the people we'd meet... that all seems to have disappeared somehow. My adament desire and motivation seemed to zap away with that first night home and those 11 hours of sleep.
It's just weird for me to be here, with no one to talk to in person, no one to hang out with, NO CAR to go do random sight-seeing or exploring, and no desire or motivation to find a job, get a life, or do anything remotely related to living like a living, breathing, exciting human being. I am perfectly content to sit at home with my books, my computer, and my tv. I'm lonely and I don't know what to do with it. What the hell has happened to me in six short days?
GVVs, I miss you!
Friday, June 30, 2006
"This is the End... duh du-duh, duduh duh du-duh"
Revert back to senior year of high school "Company of Singers" show choir closer... I have no idea where that song is actually from, but we sang it as the final song in our show choir set. It seemed to fit as tonight was the last night of GVV 2005-2006. I can't believe it's over. It seems so surreal, and to be honest, it won't hit me until sometime in the next couple weeks. I feel like Nelson & Annie are gone for the weekend like usual, and Clare's headed out of town to visit friends, and the rest of us are taking an extended Christmas vacation again. I feel like in two weeks we should be back to St. Louis, but I know in my mind that won't really happen for most of us, and for those that ARE coming back to St. Louis it won't be the same nor will it be a return to GVV status. As of midnight tonight, the six of us are officially GVVAs (Gateway Vincentian Volunteer Alumni/Associates/All-Stars). Basically, we're the "formers", as in "former volunteers." I am just in shock, I guess. The end came so quickly! The first half of the year was fun and full of newness and adventures. The second half of the year we fell into routines and come March the time started to slip away like sand through my fingers.
But tonight was a fitting celebration of our amazing year together. Mass, singing "Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled," reading our amazing departing covenant and sharing highlights from the year, giving Jim & Geri their gifts (our amazing art work and cool pictures of us), an amazing dinner by Padre David, the Maple Jam Band's live entertainment, and hallway chats late into the evening... who could ask for anything better?
And yea I'm gonna miss this crew. Even Nelson when he's loud, even Annie when she barely talks to me or gets violent :), even Suzette's incessant talking (which I love to death about her), even Clare's bitterness, even Erica's wanderings... I will miss Nelson's hugs and his laughter, Annie's humor and willingness to pitch in and work hard, Suzette's "Do it with joy damnit!" and spiritual maturity, Clare and my twin-like mindset (and doing YMCA/Soulard Saturdays!), and Erica's piano-playing and cribbage skills. I will miss that I can share music with Nelson in the car ride to GASA/St. V's, that Annie can show her soft side when she gets scared of movies and dark things that go bump in the night :), that Suzette & I can understand each other's affection for one worksite over the other & that we can talk about anything related to God or relationships, that Clare will listen and just come visit (and vice versa), and that Erica is such a sweetheart and challenges me to think in new ways. I will miss seeing Jim & Geri after work every day, Fr. Gerry's interest in our lives, Bro. Dave Berning's grumpiness, Bro. Dave Goodman's random offers to go see the play or the symphony or the opera or go dancing, Fr. Tom's theological discussions, Fr. Bill's quick witty remarks, Padre's overexuberent nature about everything & his cooking & camping adventures, and much more! I will miss my kids at Cabrini, like NONE OTHER, but I hope to get to come back and visit every now and then. I will miss the women of Let's Start, but I pray/know I'll be in touch. I will miss having Ali to hang out with and talk to every day in the office, and I will miss life on Arsenal Street.
But this year was amazing. I have learned and grown so much, in so many ways, and I couldn't be more blessed and grateful than to have had this year with these people. Part of me may be afraid I'll never see them again or that I'll lose the Vincentian charism I forged in myself this year, but I know that's not true. This is truly one of those "life-changing experiences" and I will never be the same ever again. I have been "ruined for life" so to speak. :) As I head back home, and eventually hopefully head to Chicago, I will carry this year, these memories, these lessons, and these people with me, in my heart and in my mind and hopefully in my actions, always.
God Bless you all, GVVs '05-'06, and everyone that makes this program possible.
But tonight was a fitting celebration of our amazing year together. Mass, singing "Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled," reading our amazing departing covenant and sharing highlights from the year, giving Jim & Geri their gifts (our amazing art work and cool pictures of us), an amazing dinner by Padre David, the Maple Jam Band's live entertainment, and hallway chats late into the evening... who could ask for anything better?
And yea I'm gonna miss this crew. Even Nelson when he's loud, even Annie when she barely talks to me or gets violent :), even Suzette's incessant talking (which I love to death about her), even Clare's bitterness, even Erica's wanderings... I will miss Nelson's hugs and his laughter, Annie's humor and willingness to pitch in and work hard, Suzette's "Do it with joy damnit!" and spiritual maturity, Clare and my twin-like mindset (and doing YMCA/Soulard Saturdays!), and Erica's piano-playing and cribbage skills. I will miss that I can share music with Nelson in the car ride to GASA/St. V's, that Annie can show her soft side when she gets scared of movies and dark things that go bump in the night :), that Suzette & I can understand each other's affection for one worksite over the other & that we can talk about anything related to God or relationships, that Clare will listen and just come visit (and vice versa), and that Erica is such a sweetheart and challenges me to think in new ways. I will miss seeing Jim & Geri after work every day, Fr. Gerry's interest in our lives, Bro. Dave Berning's grumpiness, Bro. Dave Goodman's random offers to go see the play or the symphony or the opera or go dancing, Fr. Tom's theological discussions, Fr. Bill's quick witty remarks, Padre's overexuberent nature about everything & his cooking & camping adventures, and much more! I will miss my kids at Cabrini, like NONE OTHER, but I hope to get to come back and visit every now and then. I will miss the women of Let's Start, but I pray/know I'll be in touch. I will miss having Ali to hang out with and talk to every day in the office, and I will miss life on Arsenal Street.
But this year was amazing. I have learned and grown so much, in so many ways, and I couldn't be more blessed and grateful than to have had this year with these people. Part of me may be afraid I'll never see them again or that I'll lose the Vincentian charism I forged in myself this year, but I know that's not true. This is truly one of those "life-changing experiences" and I will never be the same ever again. I have been "ruined for life" so to speak. :) As I head back home, and eventually hopefully head to Chicago, I will carry this year, these memories, these lessons, and these people with me, in my heart and in my mind and hopefully in my actions, always.
God Bless you all, GVVs '05-'06, and everyone that makes this program possible.
Monday, June 26, 2006
"In Seven Short Days Your Life Will Change Forever"
Yesterday Clare shared this line from a Jamie Cullem song with me, and we both nearly teared up. It was quite appropriate, as in 7 short days our lives as GVVS in St. Louis will be but memories. It's absolutely insane that this year is almost over. I can't believe that all the struggles, all the challenges, all the growth, all the friendships, all the love, and all the memories of this year are going to be over just like *that*. I'm stoked about becoming a GVVA (Gateway Vincentian Volunteer All-Star/Alumni/Associate); I'm ecstatic about moving to Chicago and starting a job there (eventually...); and I'm thrilled that next week begins a mini-vacation for me back in my hometown of Champlin, Minnesota.
But I will be very sad to leave this place and these people. They have meant the world to me and watched me go through many life changes. It sounds corny but it's true. My willingness to seek the poor and to work with them, my weakness for little kids and the unconditional and unencumbered love they offer, my support and protectiveness of the women I see who struggle daily against addictive and criminal thoughts & behaviors. All these things and much more are what have changed in me this year. I have become an adult, I have grown in my spirituality in ways I never expected to, and I have learned what it means to be socially just and passionate about something. It's going to be very difficult to say goodbye to the people, places, and environment that have taught me all that and more.
I will cry... at some point this week I will cry. Tomorrow is my last day of work, and concludes with my last Let's Start meeting (quite appropriate) and going out with the Tuesday night volunteers for drinks & stuff. It'll be sad but it'll be very good. I'm excited. :) Today I got my stuff organized, but Wednesday is packing & cleaning day. Thursday will be "last minute scrapbooking" day. Friday is our big party, Saturday night is the Jason Mraz concert with Suz & Erica, and Sunday I fly home. It really is true how short this last week is -- 7 days isn't much when every day is one more step towards goodbye and the end of an "era".
As for the job search, it continues. I have a positive lead with a high school I visited two weeks ago while I was in Chicago. I have two phone interviews later this week for other jobs. I sent applications in for yet two MORE jobs. Something will happen soon; I can feel it and I'm excited. As my best friend says, "Finally getting a job will certainly solve some problems!" and I replied "Yes but it'll create a bunch more!" :) I'm just ready to be settled and stable. At the same time, I feel a lot of peace and happiness right now, for where I am in my life, for the relationships I've fostered, and the future that God has in store for me. I am so blessed. I hope I never ever forget this feeling.
But I will be very sad to leave this place and these people. They have meant the world to me and watched me go through many life changes. It sounds corny but it's true. My willingness to seek the poor and to work with them, my weakness for little kids and the unconditional and unencumbered love they offer, my support and protectiveness of the women I see who struggle daily against addictive and criminal thoughts & behaviors. All these things and much more are what have changed in me this year. I have become an adult, I have grown in my spirituality in ways I never expected to, and I have learned what it means to be socially just and passionate about something. It's going to be very difficult to say goodbye to the people, places, and environment that have taught me all that and more.
I will cry... at some point this week I will cry. Tomorrow is my last day of work, and concludes with my last Let's Start meeting (quite appropriate) and going out with the Tuesday night volunteers for drinks & stuff. It'll be sad but it'll be very good. I'm excited. :) Today I got my stuff organized, but Wednesday is packing & cleaning day. Thursday will be "last minute scrapbooking" day. Friday is our big party, Saturday night is the Jason Mraz concert with Suz & Erica, and Sunday I fly home. It really is true how short this last week is -- 7 days isn't much when every day is one more step towards goodbye and the end of an "era".
As for the job search, it continues. I have a positive lead with a high school I visited two weeks ago while I was in Chicago. I have two phone interviews later this week for other jobs. I sent applications in for yet two MORE jobs. Something will happen soon; I can feel it and I'm excited. As my best friend says, "Finally getting a job will certainly solve some problems!" and I replied "Yes but it'll create a bunch more!" :) I'm just ready to be settled and stable. At the same time, I feel a lot of peace and happiness right now, for where I am in my life, for the relationships I've fostered, and the future that God has in store for me. I am so blessed. I hope I never ever forget this feeling.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Saluting 28 years of Service
Yesterday I was able to witness something very cool. My flight from Chicago to St. Louis was to be the Captain/pilot's last flight before he retired officially at midnight (there's a rule that says pilots have to retire at 60). We didn't know it until we got on the plane that that's what all the photographs and excitement were about outside the gate. Captain Struyk told us a little bit about his family and how he came to be a pilot, and it was awesome because his wife was on board and his brother & sister had come down from Michigan to surprise him for the flight. The whole flight had an air of celebration and because it was such a short flight (45 minutes or so) it was very lighthearted. When we touched down (the softest landing I've ever experienced, and they joked it was probably the best of his career), we taxied into the gate area at Lambert airport and two firetrucks met us with an arch of spraying water that drenched the plane in salute (SO COOL!) No one rushed to get out of their seats as we waited in respect for him to turn off the seatbelt sign for the last time. I felt so blessed to be part of that experience and to share in his last flight and the beginning of a hopefully happy, healthy, and relaxing retirement for this American Airlines pilot who gave 28 years of his life to flying. :)
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Heading to Chi-Town!
Helloooo peeps!
After a fantastically wet & wild camping & canoeing trip with Padre and 30 of his Hispanic parishioners, I am ready for my Chi-town adventures and interviews! Yesterday was so incredibly relaxing out on the river, and Lassiter & I had a grand time floating along, minus the drunk and beet-red passersby AND minus our little mishap 2 minutes into the trip post-lunch. (That's right, we tipped, get over it! We managed to recover quite nicely thank you very much!) The rest of the campout consisted of muchos napping, bilingual Mass, a fantastic dinner of spaghetti & corn lotus things, and a massive thunderstorm in the middle of the night/early morning that still soaked us when we arose this morning. It didn't stop til sometime after we got home (which was about 9:30 a.m. mind you). I enjoyed the storm and actually felt pretty safe in our non-leaky tent, but I felt bad for the dogs, the kiddos, and anyone whose tent did NOT hold up like ours did. All in all, a great time. :)
Now, I'm off to Chicago for two job interviews and an adventure in surviving the city by myself! I have been working crazy hard Thursday, Friday, and today (and tomorrow) to get my writing/design portfolio done for this trip. Geri had to read through crazy amounts of my writing, and I still have to put the rest of the books (2) together and pick scrapbook pages to bring. Plus I have to pack, which I'm going to do after I finish this entry. I am stoked about this trip. I was hella anxious last weekend, but I have since calmed down. I am getting lots of advice, and lots of help with the public transportation concept. I am staying with the Vincentians at DePaul and they are watching out for me. I have directions & "el" instructions for both interviews, and I know there are coffeeshops near DePaul campus. Ok, the interviews -- Big Shoulders Fund (Marketing/Development Coordinator positions for 1-2 Catholic grade schools) and Cristo Rey Jesuit High School (Development Coordinator position and Director of Special Events & Publications position). WAY super exciting. :) I'm so excited. Erica & I practiced the song I'm going to sing at our last Mass tonight and I enjoyed it so much! I haven't belted like that in ages, and it felt good. I love singing and I love this song. I hope I don't cry when I sing it in a few weeks.
Time to cease rambling and get to packing! Cathc y'all on the flip side! :)
After a fantastically wet & wild camping & canoeing trip with Padre and 30 of his Hispanic parishioners, I am ready for my Chi-town adventures and interviews! Yesterday was so incredibly relaxing out on the river, and Lassiter & I had a grand time floating along, minus the drunk and beet-red passersby AND minus our little mishap 2 minutes into the trip post-lunch. (That's right, we tipped, get over it! We managed to recover quite nicely thank you very much!) The rest of the campout consisted of muchos napping, bilingual Mass, a fantastic dinner of spaghetti & corn lotus things, and a massive thunderstorm in the middle of the night/early morning that still soaked us when we arose this morning. It didn't stop til sometime after we got home (which was about 9:30 a.m. mind you). I enjoyed the storm and actually felt pretty safe in our non-leaky tent, but I felt bad for the dogs, the kiddos, and anyone whose tent did NOT hold up like ours did. All in all, a great time. :)
Now, I'm off to Chicago for two job interviews and an adventure in surviving the city by myself! I have been working crazy hard Thursday, Friday, and today (and tomorrow) to get my writing/design portfolio done for this trip. Geri had to read through crazy amounts of my writing, and I still have to put the rest of the books (2) together and pick scrapbook pages to bring. Plus I have to pack, which I'm going to do after I finish this entry. I am stoked about this trip. I was hella anxious last weekend, but I have since calmed down. I am getting lots of advice, and lots of help with the public transportation concept. I am staying with the Vincentians at DePaul and they are watching out for me. I have directions & "el" instructions for both interviews, and I know there are coffeeshops near DePaul campus. Ok, the interviews -- Big Shoulders Fund (Marketing/Development Coordinator positions for 1-2 Catholic grade schools) and Cristo Rey Jesuit High School (Development Coordinator position and Director of Special Events & Publications position). WAY super exciting. :) I'm so excited. Erica & I practiced the song I'm going to sing at our last Mass tonight and I enjoyed it so much! I haven't belted like that in ages, and it felt good. I love singing and I love this song. I hope I don't cry when I sing it in a few weeks.
Time to cease rambling and get to packing! Cathc y'all on the flip side! :)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
June Blossoms with Gratitude
I am on cloud nine tonight! I have been blessed during this volunteer year to have friends who strengthen and support me in all that I do. I have come out of my shell, can share and vocalize my thoughts and things that are going on in my life, and I no longer feel unqualified for any of the work that I do. I am so proud of myself and so happy to be where I'm at and to be whom I am today.
Can you tell I go to support meetings? :) The Let's Start ladies have given me so much. They are such inspirations for me and my life, to show that no matter what any of us are going through, we can make it through with the power of prayer, the presence of God, and the strength of supportive friends and family. I am especially grateful for Mary & Matthew, two people who are not "Let's Start ladies" as I know them (women, for one, who have been in prison and/or have suffered from drug addictions). Matthew was a SLU student who worked with Let's Start kids throughout this year. Mary was a Dominican novice with a food addiction problem who worked with Learning Club & Let's Start. Both have been amazing supports and wonderful friends in my life this year and I will miss them immensely! Mary got to come say goodbye tonight, which was totally unexpected and wonderful! Many of my favorite ladies came out of the woodwork tonight, and I got many photos to remember them by! :) What a great gift to have a group like this!
I am so excited for my visit to Chicago next week. I am grateful that Bro. Mark got me hooked up on a room so quickly. I am grateful that Toshio & Bro. Mark are willing to help me get to and from O'Hare Airport. I am grateful that DePaul is not that far from downtown and that the el is much more easily navigated than I originally thought. I am grateful that SMDP Waukegan was not just rude, though I am sorry that there was a death in the development director's family (hence why I have not heard anything from them). I am grateful for education, and the possibilities that have arisen to work for and promote education, especially Catholic education. I look forward to the day when I might be able to work for the arts and education, promoting the arts and working to keep the arts in education or find alternative ways for students of ALL backgrounds to experience the arts.
I can't believe there's only 24 days left of the program (not that I'm counting). It's unbelieveable to me that this year that months ago seemed so long is suddenly so short! I have grown so much. As my mom said this weekend, I "have really become a competent young adult who can take care of herself and who knows herself very well." My faith and my compassion and my committment to becoming a voice for those who do not have one is what has changed the most inside me. The Vincentian charism of working for the poor has gotten inside me, like it or not, and I will not feel comfortable or satisfied unless I am doing something that promotes a better life for the poor and underserved. If that means working for an inner-city Catholic school and allowing a diverse population of students the chance to gain a quality education, or working for an after-school program that allows poor children to experience the arts, or whatever it is that I am called to do and end up doing with my life, the poor will NOT be far from my mind or my heart. Jim & Geri would be proud to know that. :)
On that note, I will leave you with one last random thought -- It is VERY IMPORTANT to have regular bowel movements! If you are not pooping at least every other day, SOMETHING IS WRONG! This has been a hot topic in my community over the past couple weeks, but talking to various medical professionals, I have learned that it is true. So, BE AWARE! And, have a good night. :)
Can you tell I go to support meetings? :) The Let's Start ladies have given me so much. They are such inspirations for me and my life, to show that no matter what any of us are going through, we can make it through with the power of prayer, the presence of God, and the strength of supportive friends and family. I am especially grateful for Mary & Matthew, two people who are not "Let's Start ladies" as I know them (women, for one, who have been in prison and/or have suffered from drug addictions). Matthew was a SLU student who worked with Let's Start kids throughout this year. Mary was a Dominican novice with a food addiction problem who worked with Learning Club & Let's Start. Both have been amazing supports and wonderful friends in my life this year and I will miss them immensely! Mary got to come say goodbye tonight, which was totally unexpected and wonderful! Many of my favorite ladies came out of the woodwork tonight, and I got many photos to remember them by! :) What a great gift to have a group like this!
I am so excited for my visit to Chicago next week. I am grateful that Bro. Mark got me hooked up on a room so quickly. I am grateful that Toshio & Bro. Mark are willing to help me get to and from O'Hare Airport. I am grateful that DePaul is not that far from downtown and that the el is much more easily navigated than I originally thought. I am grateful that SMDP Waukegan was not just rude, though I am sorry that there was a death in the development director's family (hence why I have not heard anything from them). I am grateful for education, and the possibilities that have arisen to work for and promote education, especially Catholic education. I look forward to the day when I might be able to work for the arts and education, promoting the arts and working to keep the arts in education or find alternative ways for students of ALL backgrounds to experience the arts.
I can't believe there's only 24 days left of the program (not that I'm counting). It's unbelieveable to me that this year that months ago seemed so long is suddenly so short! I have grown so much. As my mom said this weekend, I "have really become a competent young adult who can take care of herself and who knows herself very well." My faith and my compassion and my committment to becoming a voice for those who do not have one is what has changed the most inside me. The Vincentian charism of working for the poor has gotten inside me, like it or not, and I will not feel comfortable or satisfied unless I am doing something that promotes a better life for the poor and underserved. If that means working for an inner-city Catholic school and allowing a diverse population of students the chance to gain a quality education, or working for an after-school program that allows poor children to experience the arts, or whatever it is that I am called to do and end up doing with my life, the poor will NOT be far from my mind or my heart. Jim & Geri would be proud to know that. :)
On that note, I will leave you with one last random thought -- It is VERY IMPORTANT to have regular bowel movements! If you are not pooping at least every other day, SOMETHING IS WRONG! This has been a hot topic in my community over the past couple weeks, but talking to various medical professionals, I have learned that it is true. So, BE AWARE! And, have a good night. :)
Friday, June 02, 2006
Not the Greatest Day Ever
For the past two days my stomach has been upset.
Today I got a dent in mom's front right bumper after hitting this truck in front of me.
I got to go to my favorite Michael's but the sales from last week were over.
The Groves interview went well but it's not the right fit for me (I'm not surprised).
So has anything GOOD happened?
Well of course! I got to surprise Michael for his graduation weekend and he had NO CLUE I was coming in! :) I did get to go to my favorite Michaels' which rocked :) I ran up to see my old high school and they were practicing for graduation, so I got to see this year's senior class. I also saw my old choir director, which was crazy. Sadly, none of the other teachers were around, but I hadn't been back inside the high school since freshman year of college. I walked out with a huge grin on my face and once safely in my car yelled at the top of my lungs, "I can't believe how much has changed in 5 years!" referring not to the looks of the school, the education they're getting, the habits of driving to and from school, the extracurriculars, etc. but referring to the personal growth I (and many of my classmates) have achieved in 5 years. No news on whether we will actually get a 5-year reunion or not, but that's ok. Someday it will happen that all of us will get back together again. :) The other cool thing that I discovered was one of the Masters degrees I want to get, the Masters in Arts Management with a concentration in Arts Youth & Community Development, doesn't require the GRE for admissions! Whoo hoo! The other Masters degree or certicificate I would like to get is Spiritual Formation/Youth Ministry. Both of those are several years down the line, but it's still cool. :)
Tonight I will spend time with a good friend from high school, see my step-brother play baseball, and enjoy being at home. I'll try to enjoy being at home anyway -- I think I'm so ready to go to Chicago, no matter what happens on the job front, that I feel any time spent here will cause me to grow roots and will delay or hinder my travels to Chi-town. I know that's crazy, but I'm feeling ready to jump out of my skin! I gotta get to Chicago. And soon! :)
Today I got a dent in mom's front right bumper after hitting this truck in front of me.
I got to go to my favorite Michael's but the sales from last week were over.
The Groves interview went well but it's not the right fit for me (I'm not surprised).
So has anything GOOD happened?
Well of course! I got to surprise Michael for his graduation weekend and he had NO CLUE I was coming in! :) I did get to go to my favorite Michaels' which rocked :) I ran up to see my old high school and they were practicing for graduation, so I got to see this year's senior class. I also saw my old choir director, which was crazy. Sadly, none of the other teachers were around, but I hadn't been back inside the high school since freshman year of college. I walked out with a huge grin on my face and once safely in my car yelled at the top of my lungs, "I can't believe how much has changed in 5 years!" referring not to the looks of the school, the education they're getting, the habits of driving to and from school, the extracurriculars, etc. but referring to the personal growth I (and many of my classmates) have achieved in 5 years. No news on whether we will actually get a 5-year reunion or not, but that's ok. Someday it will happen that all of us will get back together again. :) The other cool thing that I discovered was one of the Masters degrees I want to get, the Masters in Arts Management with a concentration in Arts Youth & Community Development, doesn't require the GRE for admissions! Whoo hoo! The other Masters degree or certicificate I would like to get is Spiritual Formation/Youth Ministry. Both of those are several years down the line, but it's still cool. :)
Tonight I will spend time with a good friend from high school, see my step-brother play baseball, and enjoy being at home. I'll try to enjoy being at home anyway -- I think I'm so ready to go to Chicago, no matter what happens on the job front, that I feel any time spent here will cause me to grow roots and will delay or hinder my travels to Chi-town. I know that's crazy, but I'm feeling ready to jump out of my skin! I gotta get to Chicago. And soon! :)
Monday, May 29, 2006
Memorial Day Madness
What a relaxing reflective weekend I've had!
School ended Friday, which was quite sad and made me teary-eyed. The kindergarteners made me cards and almost the entire school gave me a standing ovation when Maureen acknowledged me at the Awards Prayer Service. I will miss these kiddos so darn much -- they have taught me a lot about patience, about faith, about education, and about providing love & support & stability when they might not get it otherwise. You never know what life you are touching by being caring, compassionate, and present to these children. I have loved every minute of this year with them, even when they've driven me crazy! Especially the 8th graders, who were such an amazing class with many gifts and talents. They will do well in high school, if they learn responsibility and are able to stay true to their values, faith, and roots. I will miss them all.
This weekend was also the GVVA Retreat. I can't wait to be a GVVA in a month! They are some of the coolest people ever! Friday night we played Texas Hold 'Em with the crew; Saturday we had the second annual GVV/GVVA kickball game, and although we had one less player than them we only lost by one run! Those MVK skills were coming out like mad, and our honorary "GVV" (also known as Dennis Wells, the Music Director at St. Vincent's) had talents & skills that contributed greatly to our success. The best part was, after the game the GVVAs treated us to Ted Drewes frozen custard & to a night on the town at a neighborhood pub! :) Good times were had by all, and for the first time this year I felt like I could be open, extroverted, socialable, and more myself than ever before. I thank Audrey, Amy & Scott for that, plus the fact that I took a shower and looked pretty darn good and therefore felt good! :) Sunday Clare & I cooked the GVVAs lunch, which was such a serene sort of service, to the ones who had gone before us, and we enjoyed a lazy day of watching movie after movie after movie. I am so excited to become part of the GVVA family, where we can talk about our experiences openly without negative effects on our community (because we won't be living together anymore!) and to get to know them outside of the GVV environment while still holding onto those charisms and lessons and values we learned and embraced over our respective years. :) So great -- I can't wait!
I'm feeling good about job stuff -- SMDP and Big Shoulders are still in process, and I will be talking with someone from Make-A-Wish in Chicago & another Marquette alumnus up in Milwaukee this week and next week. I will be visiting a school on Friday in Minnesota, and after this week, who knows what else will happen (if anything). All I know is I'm trying to pray daily about it because I know I haven't been praying as much as I should, and I'm truly trying and hopefully learning to let go and give the process and anxiety over to God. I think so far I'm succeeding, but I think I also passed the most drought-like period which wasn't even that bad. I'm doing the best I can and I'm remembering all the reasons why I should have total confidence in myself and my abilities. It's easy to forget when you get discouraged, but it's important to remember no matter what!
It's hard to believe the year is almost over. One month from tomorrow is our last day, and one month from Friday I fly home, however indefinitely that trip home may be! I have learned a lot and grown a lot from this year, but I still have one month's worth of experiences to have, reflections to share, and lessons to learn, so I can't let this "summer break syndrome" set in too quickly or too much or I'll miss one of the most important month's of the year -- the month when the "what next" becomes a reality and I have to figure out how to make this experience stay with me in my new future.
Keep praying for me. :)
School ended Friday, which was quite sad and made me teary-eyed. The kindergarteners made me cards and almost the entire school gave me a standing ovation when Maureen acknowledged me at the Awards Prayer Service. I will miss these kiddos so darn much -- they have taught me a lot about patience, about faith, about education, and about providing love & support & stability when they might not get it otherwise. You never know what life you are touching by being caring, compassionate, and present to these children. I have loved every minute of this year with them, even when they've driven me crazy! Especially the 8th graders, who were such an amazing class with many gifts and talents. They will do well in high school, if they learn responsibility and are able to stay true to their values, faith, and roots. I will miss them all.
This weekend was also the GVVA Retreat. I can't wait to be a GVVA in a month! They are some of the coolest people ever! Friday night we played Texas Hold 'Em with the crew; Saturday we had the second annual GVV/GVVA kickball game, and although we had one less player than them we only lost by one run! Those MVK skills were coming out like mad, and our honorary "GVV" (also known as Dennis Wells, the Music Director at St. Vincent's) had talents & skills that contributed greatly to our success. The best part was, after the game the GVVAs treated us to Ted Drewes frozen custard & to a night on the town at a neighborhood pub! :) Good times were had by all, and for the first time this year I felt like I could be open, extroverted, socialable, and more myself than ever before. I thank Audrey, Amy & Scott for that, plus the fact that I took a shower and looked pretty darn good and therefore felt good! :) Sunday Clare & I cooked the GVVAs lunch, which was such a serene sort of service, to the ones who had gone before us, and we enjoyed a lazy day of watching movie after movie after movie. I am so excited to become part of the GVVA family, where we can talk about our experiences openly without negative effects on our community (because we won't be living together anymore!) and to get to know them outside of the GVV environment while still holding onto those charisms and lessons and values we learned and embraced over our respective years. :) So great -- I can't wait!
I'm feeling good about job stuff -- SMDP and Big Shoulders are still in process, and I will be talking with someone from Make-A-Wish in Chicago & another Marquette alumnus up in Milwaukee this week and next week. I will be visiting a school on Friday in Minnesota, and after this week, who knows what else will happen (if anything). All I know is I'm trying to pray daily about it because I know I haven't been praying as much as I should, and I'm truly trying and hopefully learning to let go and give the process and anxiety over to God. I think so far I'm succeeding, but I think I also passed the most drought-like period which wasn't even that bad. I'm doing the best I can and I'm remembering all the reasons why I should have total confidence in myself and my abilities. It's easy to forget when you get discouraged, but it's important to remember no matter what!
It's hard to believe the year is almost over. One month from tomorrow is our last day, and one month from Friday I fly home, however indefinitely that trip home may be! I have learned a lot and grown a lot from this year, but I still have one month's worth of experiences to have, reflections to share, and lessons to learn, so I can't let this "summer break syndrome" set in too quickly or too much or I'll miss one of the most important month's of the year -- the month when the "what next" becomes a reality and I have to figure out how to make this experience stay with me in my new future.
Keep praying for me. :)
Friday, May 19, 2006
When God Closes a Door...
He always opens a window. Supposedly. :) Actually, that has proven to be the case in many ways throughout my life. When I thought I'd be going to MercyWorks in Chicago and then that fell through, here came GVV-St. Louis! When I didn't think I could do another year of E'gals, here came Company of Singers. When I was at my wit's end after freshman year of college, God provided the steps necessary to make my life better, smoother, and happier. And when I was sure that SMDP-Waukegan was my only option, God provided a second chance. Not that SMDP is out of the picture, but now I know I have options and that if neither of these two options works out that something else will! It's all ok if I don't have a job by the end of June. It's going to be ok and may even be better if I don't. But, God has a plan and I have to trust in it whole-heartedly.
The trick with that is remembering it when my options seem to be very few and far between. My only dream is to one day get to Chicago. I just want to be there already! I want to be near friends, exploring a new city, finding out about myself, working in a job that is challenging and creative and fun, and discovering ways to keep my Vincentian spirituality and Ignation education alive in my every day life. Is that really so much to ask? A favorite coffeeshop and my own little apartment... that's all I want. Really, that would make me exceedingly happy right now, especially if I had a way to BUY that Chai tea or afford that little apartment by myself. I want to be able to live on my own, be on my own, afford living and being on my own, and exploring all the new ways I can be me while still have friends and family near by. The family may be an 8-hour drive or 1-hour flight, but that's ok. It'll still be handier, closer, and easier to access them than it has been in St. Louis!
This is so random, I know, but it's where I'm at. I have two different job positions in the interview process, and I have faith that other options will make themselves known as well. I have become more convinced, however, that I do not want to start before my volunteer year is over. I know I told SMDP that I could possibly start early, but the more I've looked at the logistics of it and the more I've really looked at my feelings about the situation, I don't want to be rushed and I don't want to be starting one thing without proper closure on the other. I don't think it's fair of me to do that, nor do I think it's fair to ask me to do that. I don't want to be hypocrite, but I did honestly think it could work out and now, feasibly and emotionally, I just don't see it happening. If that means the SMDP job (or the other job) don't happen, that's ok. It just means something else will.
I just gotta keep the faith, and keep minding the doors and windows.
The trick with that is remembering it when my options seem to be very few and far between. My only dream is to one day get to Chicago. I just want to be there already! I want to be near friends, exploring a new city, finding out about myself, working in a job that is challenging and creative and fun, and discovering ways to keep my Vincentian spirituality and Ignation education alive in my every day life. Is that really so much to ask? A favorite coffeeshop and my own little apartment... that's all I want. Really, that would make me exceedingly happy right now, especially if I had a way to BUY that Chai tea or afford that little apartment by myself. I want to be able to live on my own, be on my own, afford living and being on my own, and exploring all the new ways I can be me while still have friends and family near by. The family may be an 8-hour drive or 1-hour flight, but that's ok. It'll still be handier, closer, and easier to access them than it has been in St. Louis!
This is so random, I know, but it's where I'm at. I have two different job positions in the interview process, and I have faith that other options will make themselves known as well. I have become more convinced, however, that I do not want to start before my volunteer year is over. I know I told SMDP that I could possibly start early, but the more I've looked at the logistics of it and the more I've really looked at my feelings about the situation, I don't want to be rushed and I don't want to be starting one thing without proper closure on the other. I don't think it's fair of me to do that, nor do I think it's fair to ask me to do that. I don't want to be hypocrite, but I did honestly think it could work out and now, feasibly and emotionally, I just don't see it happening. If that means the SMDP job (or the other job) don't happen, that's ok. It just means something else will.
I just gotta keep the faith, and keep minding the doors and windows.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Nerves of Melted Butter
I'm nervous for my job interview tomorrow with SMDP in Waukegan. I have not heard anything from them since I set up the phone interview, and had hoped to get an email response regarding who I would be speaking with tomorrow. Perhaps the email didn't go through (I haven't heard anything from the YNPN members too, which is also somewhat strange). I'm not sure if I'm nervous because I really want it and think I won't get it, or if I think it's not the right job and I'm not prepared to be discouraged and disappointed again. All I know is I'm going to go into it confident, comfortable, and with a smile because I want to present myself in absolutely the best way I possibly can. I hope this cold goes away at least somewhat so I can not sound like a sniffly 7 year old. :)
If this job does pan out, I don't know WHAT I'm going to do next.
If this job does pan out, I don't know WHAT I'm going to do next.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Annie Mac & St. Martin de Porres
I realized that this week must have been nutty and emotional because I hadn't written in my gratitude journal since Monday and DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT! I've been so good about taking the time each and every day, or at least every other day, to write down the things I've been grateful for those days. That's so uncharacteristic of me to forget it! But, since the past couple weeks have been super stressful and I have not done much to channel that stress, it's been an internal time bomb waiting to happen. First it was the night o'depression and sleep. Then it was tonight's outburst with Annie.
Things between us have never been anything near good or positive. We have our moments where we can sort of get along in a "we have to because we live with each other" kind of way. However, there is and always has been, for some reason, this crazy tension and inability to be comfortable around each other. She's completely shut off and I am too emotional. When she's stressed or bumming, she internalizes it and keeps to herself. When I'm stressed or bumming, it affects the way I deal with others, especially the people I live with (and usually not in a positive way). Neither of our attitudes or modes of operation are good, but we don't really have any other way. Tonight it all came tumbling out, at least from my end, with Suzette as the recipient, which was the first time I'd really let it all come tumbling out. It should have come tumbling out between McCance and I six months ago, but what can you do? I don't know if she and I will ever have the chance to talk it out, but I pray that God can at least somewhat heal our hearts and help us bridge some sort of gap. I've tried, however imperfectly, and I know she doesn't like living this way any more than I do. But I'm scared to talk to her and she just won't talk to me. So we're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm just tired of it and wish that it could be different. I don't expect, need, or want to be her best friend. I just wish I could come home and not feel like the big bad wolf with her. I just wish we could have civil conversations, or ANY conversations.
On a separate note, I have a phone interview scheduled with St. Martin de Porres High School in Waukegan, Illinois. Waukegan is 41 miles from downtown Chicago and 53 miles from downtown Milwaukee (best of both worlds!) It is close to Gurnee (shopping & Great America) & Antioch (Ryan's family), is also not too far from Crystal Lake (where Dan & Mal will be), AND (the best part) is on the lake (Lake Michigan that is). Besides the geographical parts of the city that are cool, the job itself is something I am extremely interested in. It's a Communications Director position, and would be a reasonably challenging and exciting first job. The high school itself is part of the Cristo Rey Network, which is a network of Catholic college prep high schools across the country that uses extended school days and requires students to participate in the Corporate Internship Program, which allows them the chance to gain real world work experience while helping them pay their own tuition. The network itself is only about 10 years old, and this school is one of several that recently opened in 2004. It's still a relatively new and exciting venture, and I'd be excited to be part of it. I know I'm getting WAY ahead of myself by even imagining that this could be the next move, but it's another one of those things that happened so fast. I won't know anything but my own personal wishes and speculations until the phone interview on May 16. I guess it's a good thing we have retreat this week, it'll give me some good quality prayer time to pray about 1) Annie, 2) St. Martin de Porres High School, and 3) the end of the year and leaving.
It's been such an incredible year and I can't hardly believe it's almost over. The month of May will fly and will be filled with some sad but joyful moments. I pray that God's love never leaves me and that his will guides me in these next phases. :)
Things between us have never been anything near good or positive. We have our moments where we can sort of get along in a "we have to because we live with each other" kind of way. However, there is and always has been, for some reason, this crazy tension and inability to be comfortable around each other. She's completely shut off and I am too emotional. When she's stressed or bumming, she internalizes it and keeps to herself. When I'm stressed or bumming, it affects the way I deal with others, especially the people I live with (and usually not in a positive way). Neither of our attitudes or modes of operation are good, but we don't really have any other way. Tonight it all came tumbling out, at least from my end, with Suzette as the recipient, which was the first time I'd really let it all come tumbling out. It should have come tumbling out between McCance and I six months ago, but what can you do? I don't know if she and I will ever have the chance to talk it out, but I pray that God can at least somewhat heal our hearts and help us bridge some sort of gap. I've tried, however imperfectly, and I know she doesn't like living this way any more than I do. But I'm scared to talk to her and she just won't talk to me. So we're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm just tired of it and wish that it could be different. I don't expect, need, or want to be her best friend. I just wish I could come home and not feel like the big bad wolf with her. I just wish we could have civil conversations, or ANY conversations.
On a separate note, I have a phone interview scheduled with St. Martin de Porres High School in Waukegan, Illinois. Waukegan is 41 miles from downtown Chicago and 53 miles from downtown Milwaukee (best of both worlds!) It is close to Gurnee (shopping & Great America) & Antioch (Ryan's family), is also not too far from Crystal Lake (where Dan & Mal will be), AND (the best part) is on the lake (Lake Michigan that is). Besides the geographical parts of the city that are cool, the job itself is something I am extremely interested in. It's a Communications Director position, and would be a reasonably challenging and exciting first job. The high school itself is part of the Cristo Rey Network, which is a network of Catholic college prep high schools across the country that uses extended school days and requires students to participate in the Corporate Internship Program, which allows them the chance to gain real world work experience while helping them pay their own tuition. The network itself is only about 10 years old, and this school is one of several that recently opened in 2004. It's still a relatively new and exciting venture, and I'd be excited to be part of it. I know I'm getting WAY ahead of myself by even imagining that this could be the next move, but it's another one of those things that happened so fast. I won't know anything but my own personal wishes and speculations until the phone interview on May 16. I guess it's a good thing we have retreat this week, it'll give me some good quality prayer time to pray about 1) Annie, 2) St. Martin de Porres High School, and 3) the end of the year and leaving.
It's been such an incredible year and I can't hardly believe it's almost over. The month of May will fly and will be filled with some sad but joyful moments. I pray that God's love never leaves me and that his will guides me in these next phases. :)
Friday, April 28, 2006
Screwtape Letters: My Cross to Bear
Last night I isolated myself. I slept, a LOT (depressed sleep), and cried some. I didn't interact with a single soul from 6:30 p.m. last evening until this morning. I haven't done that in YEARS, and even though it was self-pitying to some point, it was good in some respects too. I needed it, even if it wasn't the most healthy thing in the world. The positive side, besides catching up on sleep, was that I was able to read, and read things I needed to read that I've put off reading because I "haven't been in the mood" or "didn't have time." These included my "Reading God's Word" which has the daily Mass readings and C.S. Lewis' "Screwtape Letters" which I had started a while back and hadn't touched for several weeks.
As I was reading "The Screwtape Letters" the topic of bearing crosses came up. If you haven't read the book, it's a fiction story that consists of letters written by a senior "devil" who works for Satan writing to his nephew who is a "devil-in-training" (so to speak). Anyway, the letters are written from the devil's point of view, highlighting all the ways that this young protege should try to corrupt his "patient" (human, one of us). It gives insight into the ways that the human mind, heart, and body are tempted by things not of God, which is a good eye-opener. One of the topics was bearing crosses. I discovered, through reading this particular letter, that we tend to bear objects as crosses and not our feelings. For example, if I am stressed because I can't find a job, I shouldn't bear the "I can't find a job" as my cross. Instead I should bear the anxiety and worry I feel about not being able to currently find a job as my cross. If we bear our feelings as our cross, we are able to accept that they are just feelings but still give up the action and result to God's providence. "Even though I am worried and stressed and anxious about this, I know God has control over the outcome so I can bear my worry with a lighter heart." It's a good way to look at things, and to not heap the responsibility of finding all the answers to our life right now, in this instant, in human ways. Some things are not of human origin or human control. They just can't be! The more we accept that, the more at peace we will be. This is what I need to try and do. This is what I need to remember.
As I finished reading things I went back to an old daily meditation that I shared with my Let's Start ladies on our December Retreat. It said, "If you are going through something, and it's safe to say that we are all going through something at all times, do not let it hinder your inner peace. Hand it over to God and trust that he will take care of it for you and will help you through it. Rest. Be at peace, and be well." (Or something to that effect).
It was, is, and continues to be a good reminder to all of us, no matter where we are in our life, we need to just take a moment to be at rest with God, for only through him and through handing our life over to him will we "Be at peace, and be well."
As I was reading "The Screwtape Letters" the topic of bearing crosses came up. If you haven't read the book, it's a fiction story that consists of letters written by a senior "devil" who works for Satan writing to his nephew who is a "devil-in-training" (so to speak). Anyway, the letters are written from the devil's point of view, highlighting all the ways that this young protege should try to corrupt his "patient" (human, one of us). It gives insight into the ways that the human mind, heart, and body are tempted by things not of God, which is a good eye-opener. One of the topics was bearing crosses. I discovered, through reading this particular letter, that we tend to bear objects as crosses and not our feelings. For example, if I am stressed because I can't find a job, I shouldn't bear the "I can't find a job" as my cross. Instead I should bear the anxiety and worry I feel about not being able to currently find a job as my cross. If we bear our feelings as our cross, we are able to accept that they are just feelings but still give up the action and result to God's providence. "Even though I am worried and stressed and anxious about this, I know God has control over the outcome so I can bear my worry with a lighter heart." It's a good way to look at things, and to not heap the responsibility of finding all the answers to our life right now, in this instant, in human ways. Some things are not of human origin or human control. They just can't be! The more we accept that, the more at peace we will be. This is what I need to try and do. This is what I need to remember.
As I finished reading things I went back to an old daily meditation that I shared with my Let's Start ladies on our December Retreat. It said, "If you are going through something, and it's safe to say that we are all going through something at all times, do not let it hinder your inner peace. Hand it over to God and trust that he will take care of it for you and will help you through it. Rest. Be at peace, and be well." (Or something to that effect).
It was, is, and continues to be a good reminder to all of us, no matter where we are in our life, we need to just take a moment to be at rest with God, for only through him and through handing our life over to him will we "Be at peace, and be well."
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
"Exactly What They Are Supposed To Be Doing"
Today's Gospel tells about the Apostles and their willingness to preach, teach, and share the Good News about Jesus's life and resurrection no matter what the cost. They get thrown in jail, then an angel lets them out. The next day, they are teaching and preaching in the same spot they were arrested the first time. This time the authorities are scared and intimidated by THEIR inability to be intimidated. As Fr. Ed put it tonight, they didn't give up because they knew they were doing "Exactly what they were supposed to be doing." Jesus never stopped preaching, teaching, and sharing the Good News even when people talked about him, punished him, persecuted him, etc. He just kept right on going doing exactly what the Father had sent him to do. He knew it was his mission and he did it willingly, solely trusting in God's authority, love and protection.
This speaks to me today because I have no idea what "exactly I'm supposed to be doing." I'm in the middle of a crazy ass job search. I've pretty much halted the cold application process and am currently working on massive networking. I have contacted alumni from Marquette, professionals in the Chicago Young Nonprofit Professionals group, (same with Milwaukee if I ever hear back from them...), Kiwanians, old bosses/supervisors, and people that Jim & Geri know. I'm trying to get feedback and schedule conversations, because I know the more I get my name, face, and resume out there to people with a vested interest or at least common interest as me, I will eventually find the job that fits the desires of my heart, the job that fits God's plan for me, and the job that feels right and perfect and "exactly like what I'm supposed to be doing." Or it will at least come close for the time being. The problem is, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. PR, Marketing, Development? Schools, Education-related nonprofits, arts-related nonprofits, general nonprofits? Big organizations, small organizations, mid-sized organizations? I know I shouldn't stress so much about it but I'm a perfectionist in that I don't want to feel like I didn't do enough and I don't want to feel like I missed my opportunity. I want to do this right. I want to follow God's path for me, but I don't always have a lot a patience with waiting for God to reveal his plan in HIS time. I have serious issues with that, and with battling "letting go" with passivity. How do you "Let Go and Let God" while still actively searching out jobs the best you can? I have to learn to just do what I can and not try to control the outcomes so much. I can control the effort I put in, but I CAN'T CONTROL the outcomes. I need to learn, accept, and embrace that. But DAMN it's hard.
It doesn't help that other things are going on that are stressful. My 8th graders' musical is in 3 weeks and we still have scenes we haven't blocked and songs we don't know. Again, I can't control the outcome but it's hard being a perfectionist and having the years of arts experience I do to watch kids not make the most of their talent and potential and time! I want them to do well but you can't force them! My program director Geri is having a hysterectomy on Monday and will be out of commission for 4-6 weeks (they say). Besides the emotional and physical implications of such a major surgery (praying it's not cancer, the completely wiped out feeling she'll have, etc.), it's emotional because she has to miss our final retreat (her favorite retreat and the big closer of the year) and won't be around the house much at all for most of our last two months here. It's really sad :( I'm worried about her and I'm sad that our chats will be so limited.
It's beginning to really hit home that our service year is almost over. I've had such an amazing experience and have come to truly love my work, my kids, my women, my housemates, and my directors. I will be sad to leave them all, but of course having the not-always-high self confidence that I do, I worry about whether I'll be missed as much or even half as much as I'll miss them. I know the Let's Start ladies will miss me, and I think my kids will... I know Jim & Geri will, but who knows which housemates will. I am one of those people who needs that reassurance (for whatever reason -- maybe the years of failed friendships through freshman year of college and the current state of my high school relationships are the problem). It's just crazy to think that in two months, it'll all be over. Two months from Tuesday I'll be on my way back to Minnesota, either permanently or temporarily. I just wish I had a little bit more of my life under control, that so much of it wasn't quite so unpredictable or precarious right now.
I guess I'll just have to hang in there, pray HARD, and keep going with the program til the program leads to the next best thing. Amen.
This speaks to me today because I have no idea what "exactly I'm supposed to be doing." I'm in the middle of a crazy ass job search. I've pretty much halted the cold application process and am currently working on massive networking. I have contacted alumni from Marquette, professionals in the Chicago Young Nonprofit Professionals group, (same with Milwaukee if I ever hear back from them...), Kiwanians, old bosses/supervisors, and people that Jim & Geri know. I'm trying to get feedback and schedule conversations, because I know the more I get my name, face, and resume out there to people with a vested interest or at least common interest as me, I will eventually find the job that fits the desires of my heart, the job that fits God's plan for me, and the job that feels right and perfect and "exactly like what I'm supposed to be doing." Or it will at least come close for the time being. The problem is, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. PR, Marketing, Development? Schools, Education-related nonprofits, arts-related nonprofits, general nonprofits? Big organizations, small organizations, mid-sized organizations? I know I shouldn't stress so much about it but I'm a perfectionist in that I don't want to feel like I didn't do enough and I don't want to feel like I missed my opportunity. I want to do this right. I want to follow God's path for me, but I don't always have a lot a patience with waiting for God to reveal his plan in HIS time. I have serious issues with that, and with battling "letting go" with passivity. How do you "Let Go and Let God" while still actively searching out jobs the best you can? I have to learn to just do what I can and not try to control the outcomes so much. I can control the effort I put in, but I CAN'T CONTROL the outcomes. I need to learn, accept, and embrace that. But DAMN it's hard.
It doesn't help that other things are going on that are stressful. My 8th graders' musical is in 3 weeks and we still have scenes we haven't blocked and songs we don't know. Again, I can't control the outcome but it's hard being a perfectionist and having the years of arts experience I do to watch kids not make the most of their talent and potential and time! I want them to do well but you can't force them! My program director Geri is having a hysterectomy on Monday and will be out of commission for 4-6 weeks (they say). Besides the emotional and physical implications of such a major surgery (praying it's not cancer, the completely wiped out feeling she'll have, etc.), it's emotional because she has to miss our final retreat (her favorite retreat and the big closer of the year) and won't be around the house much at all for most of our last two months here. It's really sad :( I'm worried about her and I'm sad that our chats will be so limited.
It's beginning to really hit home that our service year is almost over. I've had such an amazing experience and have come to truly love my work, my kids, my women, my housemates, and my directors. I will be sad to leave them all, but of course having the not-always-high self confidence that I do, I worry about whether I'll be missed as much or even half as much as I'll miss them. I know the Let's Start ladies will miss me, and I think my kids will... I know Jim & Geri will, but who knows which housemates will. I am one of those people who needs that reassurance (for whatever reason -- maybe the years of failed friendships through freshman year of college and the current state of my high school relationships are the problem). It's just crazy to think that in two months, it'll all be over. Two months from Tuesday I'll be on my way back to Minnesota, either permanently or temporarily. I just wish I had a little bit more of my life under control, that so much of it wasn't quite so unpredictable or precarious right now.
I guess I'll just have to hang in there, pray HARD, and keep going with the program til the program leads to the next best thing. Amen.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Thank God It's April
Finally, a month I can be happy about! March was just nutty and stressful. I'm not sure if April will be less crazy or stressful, but for some reason April brings me a sense of hope, enthusiasm and energy. I feel like even if bad things happen, they won't get me as down in April as they would in other months. April is a month of blessings and new beginnings. April is a HAPPY month! It always has been for me, so I can act accordingly. :)
Today I will experience the joy of rummage sales. I know it's amazing and fun to find treasures in rummage sales or thrift stores for cents or dollars apiece. However, even with that joy and fun, I am really looking forward to a day when I have a larger disposable income than $100 per month, so I can actually go clothes shopping at real stores every now and then. I'm not incredibly materialistic, but some days it would be nice to go to a real store and get my own new clothes that have never been used by anyone else. This is one way in which I truly live in solidarity with the poor, because they RELY on things like rummage sales and thrift stores and hand-outs for their entire wardrobes! I can definitely understand how they get sick and tired of it and of living in that cycle. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or selfish or whatever, but if I am, one day, able to live in a way that allows me to purchase new clothes or other things, I will not feel guilty doing that. At the same time, I know that this year of simple living and living in solidarity with the poor WILL help me not to purchase the EXTRA nonsense that people so often do when they don't really need it. I think I will be much more aware of my purchases -- "Do I actually need this?" " Will I actually use this?" "If in a year I'm not using it, will I throw or give it away?" I know this year of simplicity will affect my life in that way, though not in the way of NOT purchasing anything new.
Lent has been a journey. I fell off the wagon a bit this past week and am trying my darnedest to get back on. The only promise I have kept 100% is the one dedicated to my mom, who celebrated 15 years of sobriety on St. Patrick's Day. I don't like feeling out of control and I need to get back to that sense of power over my eating habits. Every now and then it becomes a struggle and I really can't seem to stop eating stuff I shouldn't or eating more than I should. But I have willpower and that allows me to get back to the true path. God helps those who help themselves, but he also catches us if we fall, picks us up when we fall down, and supports us in everything we do. His immense love for us and his undying mercy and forgiveness are what keep us hopeful, alive, and successful. If we let his light work through our lives. These are the things I am focusing on this Lent and trying to make a greater part of my life.
Yesterday was the First Communion retreat with my second graders. We spent time learning about the Eucharist, the Mass, and the various stories involving the Body & Blood of Jesus Christ. They retained a lot of it and seemed to really enjoy themselves. We wrote love letters to Jesus and they were so serious while they were writing and the few I glanced at were so precious. They love Jesus, and at that age I am glad they do and I pray that they can love him for the rest of their lives. I still remember my second grade teacher telling us that when we walk down the aisle towards Holy Communion, we can say with each step "I love you Jesus" or "I know you love me Jesus." I still to this day remember that and sometimes do that, and that was 15 years ago that I made my First Communion. Some things will always stick with us. I wonder what will stick with these second graders 15 years down the line when they are reflecting back on their childhood.
Next weekend my mom and John will be here. I am extremely excited to see them, especially my mom. I am so grateful and blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with her. I love her soooo much. I can't wait to share my St. Louis experience with them. Before they get here though, I have two phone interviews (Groves Academy - Minnesota, and San Miguel Schools - Chicago). I will also be talking with a Marquette alumnus who works at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra to pick his brain about how to start a career in the Chicago arts scene. It will be a busy but wonderful week -- please keep me in your prayers!
Today I will experience the joy of rummage sales. I know it's amazing and fun to find treasures in rummage sales or thrift stores for cents or dollars apiece. However, even with that joy and fun, I am really looking forward to a day when I have a larger disposable income than $100 per month, so I can actually go clothes shopping at real stores every now and then. I'm not incredibly materialistic, but some days it would be nice to go to a real store and get my own new clothes that have never been used by anyone else. This is one way in which I truly live in solidarity with the poor, because they RELY on things like rummage sales and thrift stores and hand-outs for their entire wardrobes! I can definitely understand how they get sick and tired of it and of living in that cycle. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or selfish or whatever, but if I am, one day, able to live in a way that allows me to purchase new clothes or other things, I will not feel guilty doing that. At the same time, I know that this year of simple living and living in solidarity with the poor WILL help me not to purchase the EXTRA nonsense that people so often do when they don't really need it. I think I will be much more aware of my purchases -- "Do I actually need this?" " Will I actually use this?" "If in a year I'm not using it, will I throw or give it away?" I know this year of simplicity will affect my life in that way, though not in the way of NOT purchasing anything new.
Lent has been a journey. I fell off the wagon a bit this past week and am trying my darnedest to get back on. The only promise I have kept 100% is the one dedicated to my mom, who celebrated 15 years of sobriety on St. Patrick's Day. I don't like feeling out of control and I need to get back to that sense of power over my eating habits. Every now and then it becomes a struggle and I really can't seem to stop eating stuff I shouldn't or eating more than I should. But I have willpower and that allows me to get back to the true path. God helps those who help themselves, but he also catches us if we fall, picks us up when we fall down, and supports us in everything we do. His immense love for us and his undying mercy and forgiveness are what keep us hopeful, alive, and successful. If we let his light work through our lives. These are the things I am focusing on this Lent and trying to make a greater part of my life.
Yesterday was the First Communion retreat with my second graders. We spent time learning about the Eucharist, the Mass, and the various stories involving the Body & Blood of Jesus Christ. They retained a lot of it and seemed to really enjoy themselves. We wrote love letters to Jesus and they were so serious while they were writing and the few I glanced at were so precious. They love Jesus, and at that age I am glad they do and I pray that they can love him for the rest of their lives. I still remember my second grade teacher telling us that when we walk down the aisle towards Holy Communion, we can say with each step "I love you Jesus" or "I know you love me Jesus." I still to this day remember that and sometimes do that, and that was 15 years ago that I made my First Communion. Some things will always stick with us. I wonder what will stick with these second graders 15 years down the line when they are reflecting back on their childhood.
Next weekend my mom and John will be here. I am extremely excited to see them, especially my mom. I am so grateful and blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with her. I love her soooo much. I can't wait to share my St. Louis experience with them. Before they get here though, I have two phone interviews (Groves Academy - Minnesota, and San Miguel Schools - Chicago). I will also be talking with a Marquette alumnus who works at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra to pick his brain about how to start a career in the Chicago arts scene. It will be a busy but wonderful week -- please keep me in your prayers!
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