He always opens a window. Supposedly. :) Actually, that has proven to be the case in many ways throughout my life. When I thought I'd be going to MercyWorks in Chicago and then that fell through, here came GVV-St. Louis! When I didn't think I could do another year of E'gals, here came Company of Singers. When I was at my wit's end after freshman year of college, God provided the steps necessary to make my life better, smoother, and happier. And when I was sure that SMDP-Waukegan was my only option, God provided a second chance. Not that SMDP is out of the picture, but now I know I have options and that if neither of these two options works out that something else will! It's all ok if I don't have a job by the end of June. It's going to be ok and may even be better if I don't. But, God has a plan and I have to trust in it whole-heartedly.
The trick with that is remembering it when my options seem to be very few and far between. My only dream is to one day get to Chicago. I just want to be there already! I want to be near friends, exploring a new city, finding out about myself, working in a job that is challenging and creative and fun, and discovering ways to keep my Vincentian spirituality and Ignation education alive in my every day life. Is that really so much to ask? A favorite coffeeshop and my own little apartment... that's all I want. Really, that would make me exceedingly happy right now, especially if I had a way to BUY that Chai tea or afford that little apartment by myself. I want to be able to live on my own, be on my own, afford living and being on my own, and exploring all the new ways I can be me while still have friends and family near by. The family may be an 8-hour drive or 1-hour flight, but that's ok. It'll still be handier, closer, and easier to access them than it has been in St. Louis!
This is so random, I know, but it's where I'm at. I have two different job positions in the interview process, and I have faith that other options will make themselves known as well. I have become more convinced, however, that I do not want to start before my volunteer year is over. I know I told SMDP that I could possibly start early, but the more I've looked at the logistics of it and the more I've really looked at my feelings about the situation, I don't want to be rushed and I don't want to be starting one thing without proper closure on the other. I don't think it's fair of me to do that, nor do I think it's fair to ask me to do that. I don't want to be hypocrite, but I did honestly think it could work out and now, feasibly and emotionally, I just don't see it happening. If that means the SMDP job (or the other job) don't happen, that's ok. It just means something else will.
I just gotta keep the faith, and keep minding the doors and windows.
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