Unnecessary Baggage

My roommate is a lay member of the United Methodist Church, and she recently (last week) made the final decision not to be ordained. She's been in this discernment process for quite a number of years. Last year she decided to go for deacon and not elder, and even with that it seems she felt stressed. Last week she finally realized that God is not calling her to ordination, but is calling her to work for justice and peace as a lay minister. She can still be involved in worship and liturgy as a lay person, and she has the freedom to focus on helping those who need a voice (which she is phenomenal at by the way).

Anyway, today she wrote this: "If I had any doubts about lay ministry, my body's response would definitely quell them. Getting out of bed, Not over eating, smiling, even maintaining good posture is easier when I'm not dragging an unnecessary load!"

I completely agree! The body's response to our emotional and spiritual health is amazing. I used to have a lot of callous and wart problems on the heels of my feet. I had even gotten a couple small warts on three fingers. No matter what medicine I used, I could never get rid of them. They would reduce, but never go away. About a year after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, we were trying to be friends again, and had been getting together occasionally to catch up. Around Thanksgiving last year, a few weeks after we had seen each other last, I sent him a text message to wish him luck with moving and a work-related project. He completely blew me off, and that was the last straw. I realized I did not want to deal with his crap anymore. If we were going to be friends, then be a friend. If not, I did not have to put up with it. So I told God, and my friends, "I am officially done. This is IT." Within a month, I KID YOU NOT, the warts on my fingers were gone, and the ones on my heels had subsided. They are now mostly gone too.

I have also battled weight issues for most of my life. Some of it is learned behaviors of over-eating, stress-eating, etc., and some of it is genetic constitution (my dad's side of the family tends to be overweight). I sometimes get obsessed about it. Not so much about the calories or exercise or anything (I've had enough friends with legitimate eating disorders and my brain, though crazy, has never gone over-the-top nuts about food/exercise). I do, however, get obsessed about the number on the scale sometimes. I can tell when my clothes don't feel right so I start to get a little panicky and controlling about it. However, my roommate and my sponsor both said something to me about it this last time, and I realized my crazy obsessive thinking extended not just to relationships and people, but to my body image/physical health as well. Because of that correlation, I then realized I could turn that over to God just as much as any other struggle. The amazing thing is that over the past couple months I've been able to maintain and lose a little bit, and be at the lowest weight I've had all year. I'm able to turn over meal-times, food cravings, and food choices to God. I'm continuing to just walk, stay active, and focus on the healthy eating habits I've learned over the years (drinking lots of water, having enough fruits and vegetables, having a balanced diet with protein and fiber). I can feel a difference and I know it's not because of anything I'm necessarily doing differently. I'm just not obsessed about it or trying to control the outcome.

I give these two examples, because my roommate's comment about how "Getting out of bed, Not over eating, smiling, even maintaining good posture is easier when I'm not dragging an unnecessary load!" is right on the money. How many times do we carry around crap, baggage, resentments, wrong decisions, etc., that are so unnecessary? Our body, our mind, our spirit, are all much happier and healthier when we can turn things over to God and allow him to guide us into right decision-making.

I'm currently working on my 4th step. I'm not even through my family and early childhood friends, and already I see patterns. I'm anticipating what's going to happen when I get into grade school, high school, college, and beyond. I already know some of the things that will come up, and it's not pretty to look at it all. As a matter of fact, at times it's downright ugly to look at, and it's hard not to get depressed or frustrated looking at the ugly. I can feel the burden and the baggage. It's not "unnecessary" baggage in one respect because it's helping me making changes in my life, and seeing patterns allows me to break them. However, it's unnecessary to carry it around in order to beat myself up.

My sponsor said the 4th step is really what it says - an inventory, an "I have this many cans of corn, and this many boxes of brownie mix" situation. I have to keep reminding myself of that or I will get overwhelmed and my body and spirit will be negatively affected. Having a blog and sharing the journey with the unknown void allows me to be accountable, and for that I'm grateful!