Honesty

Honesty is one of those fascinating concepts. We think telling the truth is important, and is always the best policy (or at least usually, though some would beg to differ thinking that honesty that hurts people might not always be the best thing). Honesty is often easy when it deals with other people and their actions, but it is often much harder to be honest with ourselves and ABOUT ourselves.

I'm discovering this most in relationships with other people - friendships and romance to be exact. Sometimes it's hard to put yourself out there and acknowledge feelings for another person, especially romantic feelings. It's also hard to know how honest to be with friends. How much should you tell them what you think of their actions and behaviors and choices and words etc? I guess a good rule of thumb is to stick to facts. But when it comes to feelings (especially romance) it's hard to know what's fact and what's just interpretation of emotion. Interpretation of personal feelings is where we get into trouble.


This is a short post, because I don't have any answers regarding honesty and truth and what the appropriate actions or rule of thumb really is or should be. But I am open to other people's ideas...

5 Moments and Claiming the Good

One of the best things about Netflix is the Instant Watch capability, and the fact that all four seasons of LOST are on Instant Watch. This means that on any given day, whether I'm trying to muddle my way through Abnormal Psychology, exercising on the elliptical, or taking notes on Child Development, I can re-watch my favorite episodes in rapid order without waiting a week between episodes during the regular season. :)

I just finished Season 3 of LOST, and one of the last episodes involves Charlie, the former heroin addict who falls in love with the pregnant girl Clare and her born-on-the-island son Aaron. He ends up sacrificing his life to help his fellow survivors get rescued. Towards the end, before he embarks on his dangerous mission, he writes a note to Clare that includes the "5 Best Moments" of his life, his "greatest hits." I was thinking about that after watching the episode, wondering what my top 5 would be during this first 26.5 years of my life.

I couldn't think of any. Or at least I couldn't come up with five.

I guess some things that pop into my head are...
-The day I realized how at home I was at Cabrini Academy and how much I truly loved those kids.
-The day I received the "Most Spirited E'gal" award during my junior year of high school, because it made me feel as though my fellow JV dance team members truly appreciated all the behind-the-scenes encouragement and support I gave, even if it wasn't always reciprocated.
-The day I called my mom, who was in Kentucky visiting with my aunts for the Kentucky Derby, and I was unabashedly in love and was able to be giddy girly with them.
-The day my grandma gave me my graduation quilt, and I had a memory of all my Colton family members and how much they loved me.
-My first Tuesday Night Mass at Joan of Arc chapel on Marquette's campus.... still get chills remembering how powerful it was.

Okay, so maybe I do have a few. It was hard to come up with them - do you think of the five days you were the happiest? the five moments that are the most memorable, the most exciting, the most freeing? Do you remember the five times when you felt at home, at peace, that all was right with the world? Were they moments that were great in themselves or moments that were great because of the circumstances and events that preceeded and succeeded from them?

Just something to think about...

One other thing, as I continue this excruciating journey of self-discovery and self-awareness (I feel like I'm a recovering addict, but I guess codepdency comes in all forms, not just substance abuse, eating disorders, etc. - sometimes we all have a bit of dysfunctional or codependent thinking, and I for one have probably lived with it for years). My friend Dominic made a great point to me tonight, and while I've heard it from many people at many times (especially over the past couple years)... I'm too hard on myself, I think too much/overanalyze too much, and I allow my happiness to be too dependent on what other people think of me (and how others are feeling). I have to learn to feel for myself, to be happy for ME because I'm ME and on MY OWN, and I have to not get so caught up in my relationships with other people. He's right, and I appreciated it, but it's so hard. I've spent nearly 27 years focused on pleasing others and wanting other people to like me, and I've never really learned to like myself. I'm not really sure how.

Audrey, my beloved roommate, has told me that while it's hard, I'm not in a bad place. I can function, and I have a healthy self-awareness. I have to learn to claim my successes, to identify and claim my joys, and to rejoice in who I am and who God made me to be.

This is so much harder said than done, and I'm honestly not sure where to start. But I keep revisiting the idea of Al-Anon and seeing a counselor... tomorrow is a me-day, so perhaps I'll initiate both of those tomorrow.

Until then, I'll keep in prayer my journey to re-claim ME. JUST ME. Unconditionally loved by God, friends, and family. ME.

Have a great night!

Starbucks, Art Class, and the Bears

It's football season again, which means another round of "Didja watch the Bears yesterday?" Mondays and Sunday afternoons spent catching a few minutes (or entire quarters) of a number of pigskin games. I love football season, but I'm not quite ready for it this year. Summer was not as weather-consistent as it has been previously, and it felt like it never really got fully WARM. I also only attended 2 baseball games (previous summers I'd attended 3-5) and I also didn't have ANY weddings! I'm not complaining about that - I was a bit burnt out on weddings and needed a break from them. Many of my married friends are now in the baby-making stage, so I've had a number of new little "nieces" and "nephews" to visit and hang out with. Among them are Dan and Mal's son Jacob (Pudgy Bear), the Gaffeys' boy Mikey (my official favorite baby ever), Steph and Brian's second kid John Paul (a most adorable little brother to my first and favorite niece Kayla), our softball team's good luck charm Joey Berke, and a number of others I know about but haven't necessarily met.

Summer also wasn't the same because I didn't have a big vacation, I didn't go camping, and I didn't really do much of the outdoorsy activities that I had the previous few summers (mainly because this summer I lacked a significant other with whom I used to do a lot of that!) I also moved, into a sweet and spacious 2-bedroom apartment with my dear friend Audrey, with whom I absolutely adore living and rooming. She and I have such a great system of communication, chore-sharing, bill-paying, cleaning, etc. We also are both religious and artistic, enjoy the company of large groups of friends, small groups of friends, or just by ourselves (individually or just roomie-time). There's also the small matter of her "puddle of cuddle" cat Mosey who couldn't be happier having her mom and "aunt" Bri sitting on the couch so she can come flop and sprawl between us. I had forgotten how much I love living with a cat. :)

Summer was interesting because it was a time of transition. I began the summer still dealing with a number of personal issues, mainly related to the job I still had and the relationship I had let go of last summer. It's been a year of self-exploration, through prayer, through conversation, through mainly healthy processing and grieving. I finally reached a point where I could move on from both - 1) I started school and a new part-time job at Starbucks this fall, which took care of any frustration or depression related to the development job I had previously held; and 2) After a retreat at the end of August, I finally let go of some anger towards God regarding the ending of the relationship, continued to realize some things about myself I needed to work on, and was able to say the one thing to my ex I needed to say in order to feel like I said everything I could say (mainly that I didn't break up with him because I didn't love him... it's a long story, but I absolutely needed him to know that, and I think that's all he could and is able to hear from me about it at this point).

So what's new for the fall, besides the new Bears' quarterback and the unquenchable disgust that Favre is playing for the Vikings? Semester #1 of pre-requesites for the Masters in Art Therapy I hope to pursue seems to be going well. Child psychology is enlightening, abnormal psychology is fascinating, and art class is going much better than I anticipated! I'm actually good at it! Which I realized I would be this summer, but it's fun to have it confirmed in an academic setting. I can't wait to take a painting class. I have 5 more art classes to take after this, and I think I'll be taking another drawing class, hopefully 2 painting classes, probably a ceramics class, and maybe a commercial art-type class (to refresh my memory/skills in that area, especially if working on computers in art therapy ever becomes an option). I need to meet with an adviser at the Adler School of Professional Psychology and determine what they recommend. I have 2 more psych classes left as well - personalities and research (and maybe a third, an adult life-span class, maybe). All of this in 4 semesters (spring, summer, fall, spring). I can do it :-)

I feel I could and should share some of the things I've learned about myself this past year, and someday I will. Things about my past and how I'm realizing they've influenced me (especially in relationships and friendships), things about my own personality that have changed, especially over the past year (such as how I process things, and where I get my energy), and some definite changes in how God and I relate. :) It'll be a fun story to share one of these days. For now, I'll just say that I'm really happy and relatively at peace. I know I'll continue to struggle some days, because that's who I am, but I feel more confident and competent than I did a year ago. :) It's very exciting.

Time for bed before my third 5am shift this week!

Hugs and Blessings - Briana

TapTalk - Relationships

Here are some additional thoughts based on other questions more related to Christian living in relationships.

Intimacy and Faith in relationships...
"I heard a statistic that people are only truly able to maintain 2-4 close relationships at any given time (including a spouse/significant other) and that those who do are the happiest. Less than 2 and they’re lonely, more than 4 and the intimacy lessens. While that stat surprised me, it also made a lot of sense. This doesn’t mean you only try to have 4 friends, but it does lessen the pressure to be best friends with a dozen different people at any given time. I think God and faith help in that area. If you are open to giving and receiving graces in your relationships, you will find that people play certain roles in your lives and you theirs. By being present to those individuals in your life while you’re with them, you will experience joy and fellowship even if they don’t become or stay your closest friends. I’ve found the people I can share my faith with become the people I can share more intimately with, and that is blessing. I think in romantic relationships faith is even more important. Being able to pray together, talk about what was heard/experienced at Mass, talking about faith issues, etc. are all necessary parts of growing as a Catholic couple. But there has to be openness and an ability to work through spiritual “dry spells” together too."

Do opposites attract...
"I think in some ways yes and some ways no. I think we are attracted to people who have similar values and interests, but who are different enough to still be interesting. I think some couples are complete opposites and able to work together great, but some couples who are total opposites clash too strongly and don’t know how to compromise. I think some of the key components of healthy relationships are 1) communication, 2) willingness to compromise, 3) strong self-confidence/self-esteem, 4) openness to learning and understanding another’s point of view, 5) laughter and pure enjoyment of each other’s company, 6) romance and intimacy and chemistry. I think the physical is as important as the emotional, and I also think that being able to talk about faith even if your approaches to faith/religion are different is extremely important. I think it’s important to compromise but also important to stand up for yourself and not give in too much (or it could breed resentment or loss of self down the line). Know your deal-breakers, and be strong in them. I dated a man I thought I would marry (still think we could someday), but there were certain things that became dealbreakers and no matter how much I loved him I knew it would affect the relationship long-term. So unless those areas are worked on/worked out, they’ll always prevent a long-lasting and fully loving relationship. It is not easy, but in the long run is better for one’s health and spirit."

Theology on Tap Reflections

The Archdiocese of Chicago's Office of Young Adult Ministry launched TapTalk this summer - a blog dedicated to reflections on Theology-on-Tap presentations and topics. Occasionally I'll read through and comment on some of the reflection questions, and I decided to share some of those thoughts here too.

Being a Christian...
"Being a Christian impacts my daily life in a lot of ways. Being Christian has given me the ability to identify my own gifts, give thanks for them, and search for the ways to use them in a way that is pleasing to God. It also affects my attitude towards people – a greater patience, an ability to let go, and understanding of differences, kindness, generosity, and simple living are all characteristics I seek to embody that have a basis in my Christian Catholic faith."

Living the Gospel...
"Living the Gospel means living as Jesus lived. As we seek to understand his ministry, we come to learn how his ministry relates to our lives and the ways we are called to live and to love. Living the Gospel means being aware and taking action – for social justice, for our own spiritual development, for love, etc. It means accepting and owning our fears but working with Christ to surrender the fears so we can do what God the Father is calling us to."

The Catholic Mass...
"I have come to really enjoy and appreciate Mass. Having experienced Mass in many different cities across the world, it is always a peaceful homecoming to realize that no matter the language or tradition, the core of the Mass, the Eucharist, never changes. The Liturgy of the Eucharist, in action, is constant. It is a reminder that we belong to this community, a reminder of Jesus’ sacrifice for us, and a reminder of the years and richness of our Catholic heritage and tradition. While I’ve come to enjoy the readings and homilies more over the years, as I’ve learned to try and listen better, on the days when I just can’t concentrate or don’t get anything out of the readings, I always know the Eucharist will make sense."

Meaning of the Eucharist...
"The other question the Eucharist being about a community meal versus Christ’s sacrifice hit me in particular this year. At this year’s Holy Thursday service, I felt for the first time a strong sense of the sacrifice of Christ above and beyond the meal. I have continued to reflect on that sacrifice and praying that I may be made worthy of the sacrifice and that I may act in such a way that his sacrifice for me and others would not be in vain."

Relationship with Jesus...
"I don’t know when Jesus was first introduced to me or how he was described (though I imagine it was probably in Kindergarten or Sunday School when I was little). However, the first time I remember ever picturing Jesus on my own was in 4th grade during Catholic Schools Week. We had an in-school “Retreat” day and I remember one of the “Sessions” involved lying on the floor in a darkened classroom with our eyes closed. Soft music was playing (or ocean sounds) and someone did a guided meditation on the “Footprints” poem. It was the first time Jesus has seemed like a real FRIEND walking side-by-side with me. That image and notion of Jesus has stayed with me ever since then, and that’s how I describe my relationship with him to others. Jesus is a friend and confidant who listens, understands, sympathizes, challenges when necessary, supports, and guides. He’s a constant source of strength and support and encouragement, even when things look really low. When God seems far away, Jesus is always there. That’s why the Eucharist also means so much to me. It’s a concrete and regular example of that friendship and that constant presence in my life."

Prayer Written By a Friend

Prayer for Strength to Do Justice (adapted from Psalm 104)

O Lord our God, you are honorable and majestic, surrounded by all good things.
You have stretched out the heavens to cover us,
set the sunbeams on the waters to warm us,
and blown sweet winds to refresh us.
When life feels shaky and everything is uncertain,
you stand by me.
You fill my life with hope.
You make water flow in the oceans,
filling up rivers and springs.
You even make mountains to stop the waters from covering all.
You give grass to the cattle,
sunlight to the trees, seeds for the birds.
Give me also all that I need.
Lord you know I think I need things, money and position,
Help me to see what is truly good:
share with me the provisions for life,
the intimacy of friends and family,
the strength to seek your good,
the power of your Holy Spirit.

When you send forth your Spirit, life is created.
You renew all things from the ground to the living creatures to the skies.
Our prayer is that all things bring you joy, God of love.
Make us part of your work.
Cleanse our hearts from sin into pure love,
Attune our energy to the needy crying out for mercy
Make our soul gentle and full of your justice,
Make our souls firm and full of your compassion.
When I have no answer, send me your wisdom.
For you came and walked with us, teaching, and healing and loving.
Do not stop now but remain with us, teach and heal and love.

Bless you, O, Lord
I will sing to you as long as I have breath
Praise you with all of my being.
Praise you, O, Lord

- Audrey Krumbach

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” - I John 4:18

Back in October I wrote this post for another blog... Someone commented on it today so I had a chance to go back and re-read it. Wow. Definitely something I needed to hear and remind myself about again. Just one piece of this gigantic Twilight Zone puzzle I've been dealing with this past week. Hope you all enjoy it too.

POST:
I don’t know about many of you, but it is really easy to be scared these days. In a world where war is not just something happening between nations across the ocean but between neighbors down the street, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of hiding under the blanket with our headphones and books, blocking out the world. How do we live a life of love when all around us Wall Street crises threaten our financial security, the divorce rate is at least half the rate of those getting married in a given year, and over 67% of Americans in 2006 were unhappy in their job situation? These American statistics and events give a brief glimpse into many of the social issues plaguing our world. Living a life of love means living a life without fear, living a life fully dependent on God’s goodness and mercy, living with complete trust that God will provide and protect.

John’s letter continues to say that fear has to do with punishment, so one who fears is not perfect in love. John hits it right on the nose - we punish ourselves by being afraid. We paralyze ourselves, and don’t believe in our true goodness and our limitless potential. We do not trust that God can work miracles, move mountains, and do all manner of great things in and through us by his perfect love. But humans are flawed. We try to do so much on our own. We try to be the strong ones, the brave ones, the intelligent ones, and we try to do this all on our own. We do not understand that setting high expectations is good, but counting on ourselves alone to achieve them is only going to set us up for failure. By committing ourselves to follow in God’s footsteps, we will not fail. We will continually be working for his greater glory, whether there are setbacks or detours or a straight-arrow path!

I didn’t meant to get so philosophical. I am not the most up-to-date on current events, but I do come across questions and quotes like this that get me thinking about society and how people, especially young adults, live and think and interact. We’re all about questioning and searching - trying to identify our life’s ambition, trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives and where God fits in. If we weren’t seekers, we wouldn’t be God’s people, striving to live a life of love.

ENFP/ENFJ + Aquarius = What?

In learning about Appreciative Inquiry at this week's Partners' Conference and also hearing a new perspective on Ignatian decision-making, I began to do a self-evaluation about myself. Personally and professionally, I have some distinct characteristics. They come from being born in the sign of the Aquarius (for you horoscope lovers), as a combination ENFP/ENFJ (my Myers-Briggs personality rating), and as a contemplative in action (Ignatian spirituality - part of the Catholic faith).

Here are some highlights:
1) One of the most apparent Aquarius personality traits is that of a humanitarian, a giver. They have a strong desire to serve in philanthropic and charitable endeavors. Their societal beliefs are very idealistic in the sense that they believe that one of their main purposes in life is serving to benefit the greater good of mankind.

2) Emotional experiences and dealing with emotions themselves tends to be difficult for the Aquarius. This seemingly emotional detachment is what tends to make the Aquarian appear a bit cold and remote when it comes to deeply emotional experiences. It isn't that Aquarians are unemotional people in general, it just takes them awhile to really let people into their lives. Once they let their guard down, Aquarians are very passionate and loyal people. (The funny part about this is I also wear my heart on my sleeves, try to talk/communicate about feelings in an overly analytical way, and am not afraid to cry).

3) Aquarians do not like to be boxed-in. If an Aquarian feels like he or she is backed into a corner, the person committing this huge mistake will no doubt be on the receiving end of that Aquarian's temper, which can be explosive. (And yet the high expectations I tend to set also contribute to the holding-everything-in-until-I-explode style too).

4) The Aquarius personality is naturally a bit rebellious and non-conformist. People born under this sign are less than thrilled with the rigidity of typical "nine-to-five" work schedules so they often hold less conventional jobs in which the schedule varies. Better yet, they choose jobs that allow them the freedom to make their own schedules and march to their own drums. (One of the reasons I loved GVV so much - I had three different "jobs" that had a non-repetitive schedule).

5) Aquarians are extremely social people, but they also like their personal space. (DING DING DING) They are often at their best in social settings and work well with groups. Their need for personal time and space is a bit of a paradox for social butterfly Aquarians, but they find their balance between the two. However, finding that balance between the need to both be alone and be with people may be easier for Aquarians than it is for their partners, making it difficult to figure out if the water bearer is having a social or anti-social day. (Hm, definitely saw this in my previous relationship).

As for Myers-Briggs...
I’m an ENFP/ENFJ – extraverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving/judging (tied) – person.

1) As an ENFP, career satisfaction means doing work that: lets me work on a variety of projects motivated by creative inspiration, lets me create new ideas or solutions to problems, is fun and challenging, rarely requires me to do handle the follow-through/routine details/maintenance of a system or project; lets me work at my own pace with a minimum of rules/structure and allows me to act spontaneously; lets me meet new people, learn new skills, and satisfy my curiosity; is consistent with my personal beliefs and lets me create opportunities that benefit others; is done in a friendly and relaxed environment with a minimum of interpersonal conflict; allows me the freedom to follow my inspirations and participate in exciting or intriguing adventures; is done in an environment that appreciates and rewards enthusiasm, integrity, and imagination.

As an ENFJ, career satisfaction means doing work that: lets me establish and maintain warm and supportive interpersonal relationships with coworkers, clients, customers, etc.; lets me develop and establish creative solutions to problems on projects that I believe in and where I can see the positive results of my efforts for other people; is done in an environment where expectations are clear and personal/professional growth and development are encouraged; lets me be part of a team of other creative people I trust as well as being busy and productive; allows me time to develop creative solutions to problems and then share them with other supportive and caring people; is done in an active and challenging environment where I am able to juggle several projects at once; lets me use my organizational decision-making skills and have control/responsibility of my own projects; gives me a variety of activities but allows me to work in a relatively orderly and well-planned manner; is done in an environment that is free from interpersonal conflicts and ongoing tension; exposes me to new ideas and lets me explore new approaches, especially those that will improve the lives of other people.

2) Strengths of ENFP: innovative thinkers and problem solvers, able to combine their talents with interests and abilities of others, can find success in whatever interests them, are good at putting the right people into the right positions/tasks, motivate others with infectious enthusiasm.

Strengths of ENFJ: promote harmony, build cooperation, respect a variety of opinions, can be good public speakers and facilitate group discussions, decisive and organized, natural leaders

3) Weakness of ENFP: may not be well organized or good at setting priorities, have trouble following through on details of a project, may become bored or easily sidetracked, don’t usually enjoy anything repetitive or routine, usually less effective working alone.

Weakness of ENFJ: tend to idealize people, can make decisions too quickly, may have trouble dealing with conflict and sweep problems under the rug, may take criticism too personally, may not be attentive to factual accuracy.

In the area of Appreciative Inquiry, the focus is not on solving problems but on building up the strengths in an effective and energizing manner. What we focus on becomes our reality, but there are multiple realities. Keeping a part of the past is a necessary part of moving forward, but it's not good to dwell there. "When you do more of what works, the stuff that doesn't work goes away."

So what does all this mean? That's what's being worked out inside of me during this 19th Annotation Retreat. I don't know what the end result will be, but I have ideas, and I have hopes. Both of those, with the sun, let me know that spring is coming again. :)

Vicious Cycles

We as human beings get ourselves caught into vicious cycles of thinking, speaking, and behaving. We convince ourselves that things have to be a certain way in order for something to make sense, feel right, or have that "happy ending." Sometimes we have realistic expectations or valid concerns; sometimes we make things a lot more challenging and difficult than they need to be. We try to protect ourselves and end up hurting ourselves instead.

So how do we know when we're doing the right thing and when we need to back off, cool our jets, and just "let love in" or "let things go"? If I had the answer to that, I'd be a very rich women writing the best-selling book of all time. It takes practice, I do know that. It takes self-awareness, a WILLINGNESS to change, and an ability to forgive yourself and others for not being "perfect." This doesn't mean you can't have expectations or standards - it just means you have to really look at those expectations and standards and ask yourself, "Do I have these because I'm afraid or do I have these because I legitimately know it's what I need to be happy?"

I didn't used to find myself watching movies or reading a book and wishing my life could be like the characters. Sure I'd have moments of "oh that'd be nice" but it would quickly give way to "that stuff doesn't happen - it's only idealized/exaggerated because it's a movie or book." But I'll tell you this - the last few months of my relationship and these past 5 months without him have proven this to me - just because it doesn't seem realistic doesn't mean it's not possible, and doesn't mean we can't dream for it.

This will pass, but when it does, will I regret the decision and mourn forever what I lost? Will I ever get to a point of being really okay with how things are? If he marries her, will I be able to handle it? I've lost him, now his sister (and because of that probably his family), and who knows what friendships may eventually wither away too. The bitch (and sometimes blessing) of growing up is that relationships and friendships do not stay the same. I hope someday that gets easier. Until then, I'll keep navigating the tricky waters.

Clean Slate, Open Heart

Happy New Year! One month from today I will celebrate 26 years of being alive on the planet Earth and 26 years of the joy-filled optimism of "Care Bear Bri." Many folks I know get on this side of 25 and feel they start the "downward" or "slippery slide" to 30. I don't quite understand it myself - I was not one of those children who had this "plan" mapped out in her head that "by such-and-such an age I'll be married, with kids, with this job" etc. I always figured I'd take it as it came, and things would happen when they're supposed to happen. I also think that my parents' divorce and my struggles with finding a boyfriend and friends who wouldn't bail on me throughout junior high and high school may have influenced that "lack of a plan." By the time I reached college, I was just trying to get myself together physically and emotionally and from there I became open to relationships and friendships. Even then, I didn't expect to be married within a few years... I felt so young! In some ways, I still do.

The only time that has ever been different was after my best friend got married in November 2006 and I started dating the man I came to expect I'd marry. Did I expect to marry him because so many of my friends were starting that process of getting engaged and married? I don't know. That would require an awful lot of in-depth overanalyzing and counseling. I was open to the relationship, though I had never had a crush on him, and quickly it became clear that we complemented each other in a lot of ways. We grew together, and we helped shape each other as adults. If that's all it was meant to be, that's a blessing in itself. It does prove that love can grow from unexpected places.

The sad part is, I'm surrounded by married and engaged people more now than I was 2 years ago when it all began. The good thing is that now I'm used to it, so I am not necessarily seeking it out or feeling lonely without it the same way I was then.

On the other hand, I do wish I had that partner to spend my life with, that one person who I could come home to every day and share the joys/struggles of the day with. I do wish I had that security, and that passion, that intimacy and that love. I once thought I had it, but it wasn't the right thing, and wasn't what God intended.

When the clock flipped over and it was officially 2009, I was relieved. 2008 was a rough year for me, and I was grateful for the chance to "start over" and have a "clean slate." I cut the ties I needed to cut, and I closed the door on the things I needed to close the door on. At least, I think I did. We'll see how long it lasts.

I do have a strong hope that this year will be a happier and healthier year than 2008 was - physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and relationally. I am excited about some aspects of my future that lay ahead - new grad school plans, the prospect of moving in with a good friend, continued building of my solid Chicago/Catholic relationships. However, there are some areas of my life where I'd like to be happier. I'm still in the midst of my "Retreat in Daily Life" (though it took a break over the holidays), and I think the Forgiveness/Birth sections will help me move to that next step of love and happiness I seek. At least, I hope they do.

Trust, Openness, and Letting Go - three attributes I'd like to hone this year. Let's see if it works!