Self Confidence 101

One thing I've had to learn over the years is this: "Only you can allow someone to make you feel bad about yourself."

Whether it's a friend, a coworker, a parent, or some random stranger, they only have the power to tear you down if you give it to them.

Take, for example, someone who is a close dear friend of you. Say this person is totally passionate about something, and while you understand and appreciate the passion you don't share it with quite the same verocity (actually, you don't really share the passion at all). Sometimes this person expresses the passion to the extent that anyone who doesn't share it may feel like they are a bad person or "wrong." Even if that person actually believes you are wrong for not sharing in their passion (or comes across as though they believe it), only YOU can allow them to make you feel bad for not being just like them. You know that you understand and respect their passion even if you don't share it. And more often that not, you are in awe of, support, and are happy that they have that passion. It just may not be your deal. Everyone has different gifts and talents and passions, and each person should be allowed to be who God has created them to be without feeling guilty for not being something else. And unfortunately, sometimes we have to be the ones to convince ourselves not to feel guilty.

Take another example, someone may correct you for something you've been doing out of habit for years. Even if it takes you by surprise, only YOU can allow it to make you feel like a bad or horrible person when in reality you didn't realize that what you were doing didn't sit right.

Third and final example. Say you were part of a group of friends. This group of friends included two married couples and another single friend. Of the married couples, one had an 11-month old and were expecting child #2 and the other couple was expecting their first child. Both couples and the single friend live out in the suburbs. It is often a challenge for them to visit you (especially since some of them are married with houses and children) or for you to visit them (mainly because you don't have a car). You feel bad because they are important friends to you. And when they all have a chance to get together and you are not able to, due to other social engagements or work, you feel somewhat left out and guilty. THIS IS IN YOUR HEAD. There is no reason for you to feel bad, guilty, or left out. Their friendships are still important to you, and your friendship is still important to them. You may have different priorities right now, but that doesn't make the friendship less important or strong. It's just hard to remember that sometimes.

Anyway, being able to let go of negative comments and negative views of yourself is a hugely important part of being an independent person who is totally dependent on God. God's opinion matters most - if what we do, say, think, and feel are expressions of his love for us and for others - THAT'S the most important thing we can do. After that, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.