Well I'll be doggone... As I prepared for my friends Suzette and Nathan's wedding a few weeks back, I was so excited because it was my LAST wedding for a good long while! I have no other weddings scheduled anywhere in the near or distant future - NONE for 2009, and none officially past that! After spending the past two years attending at least 10 weddings, I was ready for the landslide to be OVER.
However, when one good thing ends, theoretically another good thing is just beginning! "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes..." Yep, that's right - 2009 has officially become Baby Year! Two of my favorite college couples will be welcoming babies next year, as will two of my coworkers. Added to that, my mom's best friend's son and daughter-in-law will also be expecting their first-born, which for them is a true miracle.
It's a very exciting time of year, and something I have no problem being joyful about! Weddings are wonderful, but after a while they can get redundant. It'll be nice to spoil some brand-new babies in 2009 instead!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Feeling "OFF" Not Necessarily a Bad Thing!
So I'm someone who does well with acronyms and lists when it comes to memorizing things, organizing a project, and more. I always did better in school when I could "name the four things that..." or "When remembering the important characteristics of goals, think SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely)" for example.
My "Retreat in Daily Life" and my recent experience at Charis Ministries' Seekers' Retreat Day for Women have both provided ample opportunity to use lists and acronyms in my relationship with Jesus, my prayer life, and my overall spirituality. How?
Well for one, I remember that if I'm feeling "OFF", that's not necessarily a bad thing. St. Ignatius tells us in the first principle and foundation of his Spiritual Exercises that we were created by God OF love, FROM love, and FOR love. So if you're feeling a bit blue and start to tell someone you're having an "off" day, use this little trick to turn "off" from a downer into a positive expression of self-love and God-love!
Secondly, one thing that stuck with me from the Women's retreat was a sense of reorganizing our priorities. We used a visual example of priorities that included sand as our menial priorities (i.e. checking the weather or driving directions online), pebbles/small rocks for our important but not necessarily life-giving priorities (i.e. chores, bills, etc.), and big rocks for our big priorities (i.e. work, sleep, God, friends, family, etc.) Now, imagine you/your time were represented by an empty vase. You start with the sand, the small priorities, and fill the vase with ALL the priorities listed above. Eventually you'd run out of room, and some of your big priorities would get neglected. Our challenge is to refocus our priorities and reorganize our time, so that we start with the big priorities, then fill in with pebbles/small rocks, and then sand. Magically, all the same number of priorities fits, it just fits better.
Each of us received a big rock on which we could write a priority or something else that stuck out to us from that talk. (At the end of the day our rocks were blessed.) One of the girls in my small group had mentioned something she had heard once, that our top priorities should be (in this order):
1. Sleep
2. Food
3. Exercise
4. Prayer.
If we don't get enough sleep, we don't feel like eating healthy, exercising, praying, seeing friends, doing work, etc. Our ability to get a good night's sleep really does dictate everything. Food and Exercise are important because they keep our bodies healthy and our minds sharp. For those who are spiritual, prayer/God is next because prayer/God shapes the work you do, the things you think, the words you say, and influences your decisions and relationships with others.
In keeping with my love of lists, I rounded out my new set of priorities with one more:
5. Relationships (friends, family, etc.)
For me, community is extremely important. So after sleep, food, exercise, and prayer comes relationships. It was interesting to me that work was not up there at all - and it's not because work isn't a top priority, but to me it's not (at this point) a defining priority. To me, finding and sustaining meaningful work is a result of my focused attention on myself, my prayer life/God, and my relationships with others.
I was once told that I'm a "deeply spiritual" and "deeply sensitive" person. I've considered religious vocation (still open to it) and am currently interested in pursuing high school campus ministry. Hopefully these "pearls of spiritual wisdom" will help me keep a clear perspective, a balanced lifestyle, and a high level of positive thinking and positive self-talk. Maybe being a deeply spiritual and deeply sensitive child that grew up in an AA household isn't all bad. :-)
My "Retreat in Daily Life" and my recent experience at Charis Ministries' Seekers' Retreat Day for Women have both provided ample opportunity to use lists and acronyms in my relationship with Jesus, my prayer life, and my overall spirituality. How?
Well for one, I remember that if I'm feeling "OFF", that's not necessarily a bad thing. St. Ignatius tells us in the first principle and foundation of his Spiritual Exercises that we were created by God OF love, FROM love, and FOR love. So if you're feeling a bit blue and start to tell someone you're having an "off" day, use this little trick to turn "off" from a downer into a positive expression of self-love and God-love!
Secondly, one thing that stuck with me from the Women's retreat was a sense of reorganizing our priorities. We used a visual example of priorities that included sand as our menial priorities (i.e. checking the weather or driving directions online), pebbles/small rocks for our important but not necessarily life-giving priorities (i.e. chores, bills, etc.), and big rocks for our big priorities (i.e. work, sleep, God, friends, family, etc.) Now, imagine you/your time were represented by an empty vase. You start with the sand, the small priorities, and fill the vase with ALL the priorities listed above. Eventually you'd run out of room, and some of your big priorities would get neglected. Our challenge is to refocus our priorities and reorganize our time, so that we start with the big priorities, then fill in with pebbles/small rocks, and then sand. Magically, all the same number of priorities fits, it just fits better.
Each of us received a big rock on which we could write a priority or something else that stuck out to us from that talk. (At the end of the day our rocks were blessed.) One of the girls in my small group had mentioned something she had heard once, that our top priorities should be (in this order):
1. Sleep
2. Food
3. Exercise
4. Prayer.
If we don't get enough sleep, we don't feel like eating healthy, exercising, praying, seeing friends, doing work, etc. Our ability to get a good night's sleep really does dictate everything. Food and Exercise are important because they keep our bodies healthy and our minds sharp. For those who are spiritual, prayer/God is next because prayer/God shapes the work you do, the things you think, the words you say, and influences your decisions and relationships with others.
In keeping with my love of lists, I rounded out my new set of priorities with one more:
5. Relationships (friends, family, etc.)
For me, community is extremely important. So after sleep, food, exercise, and prayer comes relationships. It was interesting to me that work was not up there at all - and it's not because work isn't a top priority, but to me it's not (at this point) a defining priority. To me, finding and sustaining meaningful work is a result of my focused attention on myself, my prayer life/God, and my relationships with others.
I was once told that I'm a "deeply spiritual" and "deeply sensitive" person. I've considered religious vocation (still open to it) and am currently interested in pursuing high school campus ministry. Hopefully these "pearls of spiritual wisdom" will help me keep a clear perspective, a balanced lifestyle, and a high level of positive thinking and positive self-talk. Maybe being a deeply spiritual and deeply sensitive child that grew up in an AA household isn't all bad. :-)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Self Confidence 101
One thing I've had to learn over the years is this: "Only you can allow someone to make you feel bad about yourself."
Whether it's a friend, a coworker, a parent, or some random stranger, they only have the power to tear you down if you give it to them.
Take, for example, someone who is a close dear friend of you. Say this person is totally passionate about something, and while you understand and appreciate the passion you don't share it with quite the same verocity (actually, you don't really share the passion at all). Sometimes this person expresses the passion to the extent that anyone who doesn't share it may feel like they are a bad person or "wrong." Even if that person actually believes you are wrong for not sharing in their passion (or comes across as though they believe it), only YOU can allow them to make you feel bad for not being just like them. You know that you understand and respect their passion even if you don't share it. And more often that not, you are in awe of, support, and are happy that they have that passion. It just may not be your deal. Everyone has different gifts and talents and passions, and each person should be allowed to be who God has created them to be without feeling guilty for not being something else. And unfortunately, sometimes we have to be the ones to convince ourselves not to feel guilty.
Take another example, someone may correct you for something you've been doing out of habit for years. Even if it takes you by surprise, only YOU can allow it to make you feel like a bad or horrible person when in reality you didn't realize that what you were doing didn't sit right.
Third and final example. Say you were part of a group of friends. This group of friends included two married couples and another single friend. Of the married couples, one had an 11-month old and were expecting child #2 and the other couple was expecting their first child. Both couples and the single friend live out in the suburbs. It is often a challenge for them to visit you (especially since some of them are married with houses and children) or for you to visit them (mainly because you don't have a car). You feel bad because they are important friends to you. And when they all have a chance to get together and you are not able to, due to other social engagements or work, you feel somewhat left out and guilty. THIS IS IN YOUR HEAD. There is no reason for you to feel bad, guilty, or left out. Their friendships are still important to you, and your friendship is still important to them. You may have different priorities right now, but that doesn't make the friendship less important or strong. It's just hard to remember that sometimes.
Anyway, being able to let go of negative comments and negative views of yourself is a hugely important part of being an independent person who is totally dependent on God. God's opinion matters most - if what we do, say, think, and feel are expressions of his love for us and for others - THAT'S the most important thing we can do. After that, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Whether it's a friend, a coworker, a parent, or some random stranger, they only have the power to tear you down if you give it to them.
Take, for example, someone who is a close dear friend of you. Say this person is totally passionate about something, and while you understand and appreciate the passion you don't share it with quite the same verocity (actually, you don't really share the passion at all). Sometimes this person expresses the passion to the extent that anyone who doesn't share it may feel like they are a bad person or "wrong." Even if that person actually believes you are wrong for not sharing in their passion (or comes across as though they believe it), only YOU can allow them to make you feel bad for not being just like them. You know that you understand and respect their passion even if you don't share it. And more often that not, you are in awe of, support, and are happy that they have that passion. It just may not be your deal. Everyone has different gifts and talents and passions, and each person should be allowed to be who God has created them to be without feeling guilty for not being something else. And unfortunately, sometimes we have to be the ones to convince ourselves not to feel guilty.
Take another example, someone may correct you for something you've been doing out of habit for years. Even if it takes you by surprise, only YOU can allow it to make you feel like a bad or horrible person when in reality you didn't realize that what you were doing didn't sit right.
Third and final example. Say you were part of a group of friends. This group of friends included two married couples and another single friend. Of the married couples, one had an 11-month old and were expecting child #2 and the other couple was expecting their first child. Both couples and the single friend live out in the suburbs. It is often a challenge for them to visit you (especially since some of them are married with houses and children) or for you to visit them (mainly because you don't have a car). You feel bad because they are important friends to you. And when they all have a chance to get together and you are not able to, due to other social engagements or work, you feel somewhat left out and guilty. THIS IS IN YOUR HEAD. There is no reason for you to feel bad, guilty, or left out. Their friendships are still important to you, and your friendship is still important to them. You may have different priorities right now, but that doesn't make the friendship less important or strong. It's just hard to remember that sometimes.
Anyway, being able to let go of negative comments and negative views of yourself is a hugely important part of being an independent person who is totally dependent on God. God's opinion matters most - if what we do, say, think, and feel are expressions of his love for us and for others - THAT'S the most important thing we can do. After that, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Post-Election Rememories
I am not a political person. I enjoy the law and find the criminal justice system fascinating. But I hate politics - at least the part of politics that involves backroom deals, selfish egotism, and a complete disregard for what I feel are really important issues (education, health care, poverty, etc).
All that being said, last Tuesday's election of the next president of the United States was pretty unbelievable. I have never been more excited about the democratic process. There was such electricity in the air - the energy was palpable and the excitement was overwhelming. I stood in line for 45 minutes waiting for my turn to vote IN PERSON for the first time ever. You could tell the brief thought of "Why am I standing here waiting in line at 6:45 on a Tuesday morning?" cross most people's minds. But this year, there was an overwhelming sense that each individual's vote was important and each of us COULD and DID make the difference. Barack Obama didn't win by a large number of popular votes, but he won a landslide of electoral votes. The momentum he carried in the younger generation, minority populations, and the other voters who were sick and tired of a stuck-in-the-mud leader who has dug a huge hole that America must now try to get out of.
I'm not 100% for all of Obama's policies. I am Catholic and therefore pro-life, and his views on life issues are not particularly pleasing to me. But in terms of the economy, education, health care, foreign policy, energy - issues that need immediate attention that focuses on long-term solutions - Obama is the one with innovativeness, fresh perspective, creativity, and compassion. He gets it, and I think he will be the one to help give America its dignity, respect, and power back.
All I can say is I've never witnessed anything quite so powerful, inspiring, or moving as last Tuesday night's election results, especially McCain's concession speech and Obama's acceptance speech. For young people like myself and for the many thousands of people who have been oppressed in this country - it was an incredible sign of hope and a true movement towards unity and change.
I really hope the next four years are better than the past eight.
All that being said, last Tuesday's election of the next president of the United States was pretty unbelievable. I have never been more excited about the democratic process. There was such electricity in the air - the energy was palpable and the excitement was overwhelming. I stood in line for 45 minutes waiting for my turn to vote IN PERSON for the first time ever. You could tell the brief thought of "Why am I standing here waiting in line at 6:45 on a Tuesday morning?" cross most people's minds. But this year, there was an overwhelming sense that each individual's vote was important and each of us COULD and DID make the difference. Barack Obama didn't win by a large number of popular votes, but he won a landslide of electoral votes. The momentum he carried in the younger generation, minority populations, and the other voters who were sick and tired of a stuck-in-the-mud leader who has dug a huge hole that America must now try to get out of.
I'm not 100% for all of Obama's policies. I am Catholic and therefore pro-life, and his views on life issues are not particularly pleasing to me. But in terms of the economy, education, health care, foreign policy, energy - issues that need immediate attention that focuses on long-term solutions - Obama is the one with innovativeness, fresh perspective, creativity, and compassion. He gets it, and I think he will be the one to help give America its dignity, respect, and power back.
All I can say is I've never witnessed anything quite so powerful, inspiring, or moving as last Tuesday night's election results, especially McCain's concession speech and Obama's acceptance speech. For young people like myself and for the many thousands of people who have been oppressed in this country - it was an incredible sign of hope and a true movement towards unity and change.
I really hope the next four years are better than the past eight.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Amused by God
I am amused by God. He really does some funny and interesting things in people's lives. For example, he has put this person in my life, and I'm not entirely sure about the reason yet. All I know is I enjoy this person's company quite a bit. Last night we went out to dinner and over two hours went by before we even realized it. The comfort and ease of conversation was so natural and enjoyable. Discussions ranged from our respective parents' divorces, places we've traveled, our feelings on "soulmates," sports, faith, and of course politics. It was fascinating, and the best part was, even if we differed in some opinions, we didn't just write each other off! We are definitely both intrigued by each other, even if we can't quite put our finger on why. Even the 2 pitchers of margaritas and a chilly walk to find an ATM and a cab didn't take away from the fact that it was one of the best nights I've had in a while!
This is on top of the amazing realizations he's given me through my "Retreat in Daily Life" and the book "Eat, Pray, Love" that I finished reading for the second time last weekend. Things like, "You've got control issues, Groceries (a nickname for the author)" and "Stay put - you asked for roots, and a home, and a solid group of friends and I'm giving that to you in Chicago, so why the hell are you thinking of leaving and starting over AGAIN?" and "I'm not a fundraiser, and THAT'S OKAY!" and "God made me in love, of love, for love, and the gifts he's given me make me special, so screw what anyone else thinks!" It's been really empowering to fight this battle inside myself and with God, and to come out on the other side. I'm not a perfect faith-filled person (and never will be), and I know that I am still on a very long and challenging journey. But the space I'm in right now compared to the space I was in 3 months ago is so drastically different it's incredible! So, praise be to God for helping me get there, and blessings to the many friends (new and old) who have helped make it happen too!
This is on top of the amazing realizations he's given me through my "Retreat in Daily Life" and the book "Eat, Pray, Love" that I finished reading for the second time last weekend. Things like, "You've got control issues, Groceries (a nickname for the author)" and "Stay put - you asked for roots, and a home, and a solid group of friends and I'm giving that to you in Chicago, so why the hell are you thinking of leaving and starting over AGAIN?" and "I'm not a fundraiser, and THAT'S OKAY!" and "God made me in love, of love, for love, and the gifts he's given me make me special, so screw what anyone else thinks!" It's been really empowering to fight this battle inside myself and with God, and to come out on the other side. I'm not a perfect faith-filled person (and never will be), and I know that I am still on a very long and challenging journey. But the space I'm in right now compared to the space I was in 3 months ago is so drastically different it's incredible! So, praise be to God for helping me get there, and blessings to the many friends (new and old) who have helped make it happen too!
Monday, November 03, 2008
Listening to God's Call - "Don't be so controlling"
My mom said something to me yesterday that got me thinking. When she asked if she could start calling me again or if I wanted to still be the one to call her, she said "It feels like I'm being controlled, and that's not a good feeling."
Ouch. I mean, in a way she's right. And I've done the same thing to other people, and am currently doing the same thing to Sully. It's that "Hey, come closer, I want to know you or talk to you, but wait, don't get too close, I don't want you to overpower me." It's complete crap, but it's a defense mechanism I have yet to let go of. It's also a defense mechanism I think has become much more present and prevalent since I first broke up with Sully at the end of July (three months... wow).
Part of this "Retreat in Daily Life" includes recognizing God's love for me. We are called to do two things in this life, and two things only - Accept God's love for us, and Share that love with others. Everything we do, think, or say should be reflective of those two concepts. Why is this so hard for us? We have been conditioned to believe that we don't deserve love and that sharing love is a weakness/vulnerability. Well, what's wrong with that? We're not superhumans - it's okay to show a little bit of weakness and vulnerability. Ha. I say that like it's so easy, and I for sure know that it is NOT. Being strong is what we are conditioned to be - crying, mourning, grieving, stumbling, struggling are NOT acceptable characteristics in this Western society. Well, why the hell not? I mean seriously, if we all took the time to actually embrace our weaknesses, we would learn how to make them strengths. By ignoring them and shoving them away, we do ourselves more harm than good in the long run.
So I'm learning anyway. It is certainly not an easy process, and certainly not something that will be over in a quick fix. More insights to come... maybe timely, maybe not. :)
Ouch. I mean, in a way she's right. And I've done the same thing to other people, and am currently doing the same thing to Sully. It's that "Hey, come closer, I want to know you or talk to you, but wait, don't get too close, I don't want you to overpower me." It's complete crap, but it's a defense mechanism I have yet to let go of. It's also a defense mechanism I think has become much more present and prevalent since I first broke up with Sully at the end of July (three months... wow).
Part of this "Retreat in Daily Life" includes recognizing God's love for me. We are called to do two things in this life, and two things only - Accept God's love for us, and Share that love with others. Everything we do, think, or say should be reflective of those two concepts. Why is this so hard for us? We have been conditioned to believe that we don't deserve love and that sharing love is a weakness/vulnerability. Well, what's wrong with that? We're not superhumans - it's okay to show a little bit of weakness and vulnerability. Ha. I say that like it's so easy, and I for sure know that it is NOT. Being strong is what we are conditioned to be - crying, mourning, grieving, stumbling, struggling are NOT acceptable characteristics in this Western society. Well, why the hell not? I mean seriously, if we all took the time to actually embrace our weaknesses, we would learn how to make them strengths. By ignoring them and shoving them away, we do ourselves more harm than good in the long run.
So I'm learning anyway. It is certainly not an easy process, and certainly not something that will be over in a quick fix. More insights to come... maybe timely, maybe not. :)
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