Nothing Productive

This has been the week of Non-Productivity! And not on purpose either!

Tuesday was our big media day/event, so that was exhausting and caused me to be super busy all day Monday. Wednesday I had a workshop all day and the first day of "tutoring" in the afternoon. Today was Picture Day/Vision Testing/Library Cleaning Day -- and throughout this entire week I've had to meet with parents about filling out scholarship forms! I'm ready for it to be Friday, but alas I have one more day to get through after today.

So what am I doing on Blogger if I'm in so desparate need to be productive! I think it's because my mind is going in a million different places and my fingers need to exert the same amount of energy that my mind is by typing as fast as they can while my thoughts spill from my brain. That happens a lot anyway and is not always a bad thing.

It's been an interesting week personally... some old habits that I hate have peeked out, and have not fully exposed themselves but even the short glimpses I've seen I don't like. Why can't I ever STOP being the way that I am sometimes? Most of the time, being me is great. But we all have habits -- ways of interacting with people, ways of reacting to people/things, ways of handling situations, ways of talking/speaking/writing/etc., that we just don't like and we know that we're not good people or at least not the best people when we do those things but we just can't seem to help it on some level. At least I feel like I've been able to curb it somewhat, and it's definitely been better in this sitaution than in other situations in the past. Perhaps that's a benefit of working together every day, sort of. Anyway, I really need to get out and meet some new people and start forming some other friendships. I don't know what it's so hard for me -- supposedly I'm this extroverted person, but you put me in a room with all strangers and I will be the shy girl in the back who barely talks to anyone or who waits for someone to come to her or makes small talk with a few people and not the whole room. It's got to be somewhat of a confidence issue, which I guess bothers me too. I have come such a long way in my levels of self-confidence and self-esteem, and I think that's what bothers me about this recruitment thing and about going to social events by myself. It's like I'm confident in myself, except in certain situations. And yes we all have healthy (and sometimes not so healthy) levels of fear and uncomfortable feelings, but I personally hate being vulnerable like that. Especially because I feel like it's not attractive, and THAT drives me nuts.

Anyway, that's enough of my ranting and rambling for now. I've been singing Godspell and Rent in my head all week, and quite frankly today I had a mad love-affair with the Kindergarten & 1st grades that brought me back to last year... I miss those kids, man, and my 8th graders. Haha, by the way, I totally told off the 7th grade on Tuesday. Ask me someday, and I'll tell you the story. My proudest "Teacher" moments last year and this year have come with my two oldest classes (8th grade at Cabrini and 7th grade here). Fr. Tim says I have a second calling as a teacher -- I say no way in hell, I could never deal with the paperwork or the amount of work they do at home or having to be "on" constantly. I'll leave that to people who are actually passionate about teaching. I'll stick with my fundraising and dealing with kids on a more parttime basis. :)