Completely Distracted :)

Since this is my blog, and very few people know it exists, I can be perfectly bluntly amazingly honest here without being a big gossip.

I am completely distracted today. I have several projects I could/should be working on -- completing 50 scholarship applications that are due tomorrow, beginning to plan my recruitment open house for 11/13, finishing the recruitment packets, getting organized for the Adelante meeting next Monday, etc. However, I can't seem to concentrate, and there are two strong reasons why.

1) Sully and I are dating. Yes, I know it's absolutely insane and crazy to think of me and SULLY together, but that's the way it is! He's amazing, and I'm really enjoying this new aspect to our friendship. He's such an awesome friend -- we've always been able to talk about anything & everything together, from faith to politics to sports to service to books to plays to movies to community living to friends to family to anything & everything under the sun. We've always shared everything with each other with a complete and total naturalness that I've never had with anyone else. I think there was always a physical attraction but I don't think either of us really noticed it until just recently, and when he started thinking of me as more than a friend I could sense it and had to try to wrap my head around it. Luckily, the day I made that deal with God and tucked away/closed the door on one thing is the day I decided to open my heart up to Sully and whatever God had planned for us. And here we are, 11 days later, dating and thoroughly enjoying each other. :) Movies, kisses, dancing on Saturday at the wedding, watching sports, going to bars... we love doing everything together. He's definitely the least complicated, least drama-oriented guy I've ever dated. What a refreshing thing that is! I am so happy with him right now, and I still don't think it's quite hit me that I'm dating SULLY. Sully!! Good grief. :) But I love it.

2) Steph and Brian are getting married on Saturday. OH MY LORD. I can't believe they're getting married on Saturday. I helped with the "Big Move" this past weekend, and that got me super excited for them. I'm also crazy nervous, for them and for me (speech, dressing up nice, being in the spotlight next to Steph on Saturday)... I am going up to Milwaukee tomorrow night for the 4 day affair, and I just can't seem to concentrate on what I'm supposed to do before I leave. Which is bad -- I really need to concentrate on my duties this week! But golly, Stephy's getting married... I love her to death, and I can't believe and can't wait for this weekend to happen! She and Brian will be so happy together, I know this. It's just that big huge adult step, and although I know they're ready for it, I can't even fathom being ready for that kind of committment just yet. I'm still getting used to dating someone seriously again!! But the butterflies and distractions are there, and I'm trying to put them out of my mind so I can do what I need to do before I leave tomorrow.

That's the update -- happiness is contagious and I hope mine spreads to you!

Love & Hugs -- Bri

I love being happy!

I am in one of those rare "everything's awesome and I can't stop smiling" moods, and despite having the sniffles and a few oddities at work, I am just about the happiest I've been in a while! As Kate would say, "the major updates":

1) I have furniture! Last weekend (10/14) my family drove down with a truck o'stuff from Minnesota and three of my favorite boys (Brian, Dan & Sully) helped unload and get my apartment all set up. I'm way excited to have furniture and lights and a desk and a tv/dvd player and all my stuff! I even have my scrapbooks and scrapbooking materials here, but I haven't had time to sit down and do any of it just yet. Someday I will :) I've been too busy doing other things...

2) "Lost" Wednesdays! Man, what an awesome tradition. I meet up with Suzette for dinner somewhere downtown, then we head over to K.Rock's apartment for Lost & Project Runway (Well, now that PR is done, I don't know what we'll watch, but we'll still be watching Lost!) Sully joined us last week, and sometimes Kellie & Kristin (new friend) will join us. I love it. :)

3) Grey's Anatomy Thursdays. There is this awesome bar in Wrigleyville called Take 5 that does this Grey's Anatomy Thursday night thing -- Grey Goose drink specials ($7 martinis!) and Grey's Anatomy on ALL the tvs in the bar. It's a great sports bar feel, and would be an awesome place to watch a Bears or Cubs/Sox game. But the whole place shuts up for the show and they do trivia during commercial breaks. Afterwards they have 80s/90s music videos. haha, how awesome is that?!

4) I'm hosting a psuedo-Halloween party on Friday night. Actually it's more of a pre-housewarming party (my real housewarming party will be in December, just in time for Christmas!) I'm excited to have people over to my place and to be social and Ms. Hostess like I haven't been able to be in a super crazy long time. I love playing hostess, I do. This is why I love planning special events. I often wish my job was just special events because I feel like I can't throw myself into the event as wholly as I'd like because I have a lot of other demands on my time. Oh well, I'm doing the best I can. :)

5) I finally got my priorities and expectations and goals into a tangible grid. I showed it to Fr. Tim, who I think appreciated it, but during the meeting all he said was "No place for grants" and "where's recruitment" (it was the first fricking column) and went into his "enrollment is our biggest threat" spiel. Yes, I know. This is why it's not only a) the first column, but b) why I went out to distribute fliers last Thursday with Vida, and c) why I have been wanting your help all this time! DUH! But that's ok, because he redeemed himself in saying that I should come to the School Board meeting and talk to the parents about forming a recruitment committee. Well geez already, couldn't you have thought of this a MONTH ago?! What do you think I've been saying this whole time about doing it all myself?! ::shakes head:: It's ok though, because that grid makes me feel really organized and have a real clear idea of what I'm supposed to be doing with my time these days, each month.

6) Stephanie Ann is getting married next week. I can't hardly believe it!?! It's absolutely crazy. It feels like just yesterday she was calling to tell me she and Brian had gotten engaged, and now it's finally here. Like everything else in our life/friendship together, this has a been a journey and I couldn't imagine not doing it together. I hope she's able to continue being part of all MY journies over the years, just as I can't wait to be part of her continued Married-Life Journey! :) I walked down the aisle at St. Procopius last week to practice, and oh man did my knees/legs shake the whole time! I just kept picturing my beautiful Stephie waiting behind me to walk down to her husband-to-be. I couldn't stop smiling and I just about burst into tears. I love her dearly and I wish her the best happiness. I can't wait til all my friends (and I) are all married and can share in each other's joys so strongly. I will have to wait a while, but I'm still excited for it. Got Dan & Mal's wedding invitation, and filled out the info and mailed it back in already. I just can't believe it. Next will be Greg & Rachel, unless I go to Erin & Zach's wedding or Katie & Steve's wedding (Both on St. Patrick's Day, can you believe that). All these weddings... some days I'm annoyed by it, but right now I'm kind of ok with the lovey-dovey thing. :)

7) Does Bri have a love interest? Or at least a like interest? You bet. And you're all thinking it's the coworker, but it's not. Adam and I, I think, have come to an understanding but we're too busy to even formulate a real strong decent friendship at this point much less anything else. I have a 3-year deal with God, but I packed that away in my locked box. So now I'm open to whatever, and it looks like whatever was waiting for me to be in Chicago and then the door sort of opened on its own. We'll see what happens -- I'll keep you posted. :)

8) I can't wait for the holidays. I'm going home for Thanksgiving & Christmas, and I'm ecstatic for both! I love going to MN for the holidays, and I love the family love and traditions. I do want to explore all that Chicago has to offer for Christmas traditions, but that will happen in its own time. :) Hopefully this year, and hopefully with friends, and perhaps a specific friend. Until then, I'll keep my mind occupied with thoughts of snow, presents, cozy fires, "White Christmas" play on Dec. 23rd with my family, christmas songs, lights, decorations, etc... Can't wait can't wait can't wait!

9) Potential St. Louis visit... December here I come!! I love STL, and everyone keeps getting on me to come visit, so by golly I think it's about time I try to come visit! The potential plans are to go down on Thursday night 12/7, go to school on 12/8 and help with Drop-Off Sunday on 12/10. I think. It's on the DL, all hypothetical, but I'm so excited about the possibility! Oh the possibilities... That's my personal motto/theme right now. :)

10) And finally, I saved a puppy yesterday. It came tearing out of this house yesterday while I was walking to the bus stop after work. It stopped behind a car, who was parked on the street waiting to pull out of his parking spot. I'm not sure if he saw the puppy or not, but once he caught the break in traffic I knew he'd try to leave. So I motioned for him to wait, then sqautted down to try and coax the puppy out from behind the car, where he was barking at who knows what in the street. She turned and looked at me, and I kept saying, "come here pup, come on, come on pup" and finally her little paws came up on the sidewalk and just like that she ran back up her steps. The guy in the car smiled at me and I walked away, knowing I had saved a puppy. A super cute adorable lovable "I want to take her home with me" kind of puppy. And I'm the cat-owner :)

Ok, time to go channel this good mood and all this energy! Take Care and know I love you all!

Bri :)

Nothing Productive

This has been the week of Non-Productivity! And not on purpose either!

Tuesday was our big media day/event, so that was exhausting and caused me to be super busy all day Monday. Wednesday I had a workshop all day and the first day of "tutoring" in the afternoon. Today was Picture Day/Vision Testing/Library Cleaning Day -- and throughout this entire week I've had to meet with parents about filling out scholarship forms! I'm ready for it to be Friday, but alas I have one more day to get through after today.

So what am I doing on Blogger if I'm in so desparate need to be productive! I think it's because my mind is going in a million different places and my fingers need to exert the same amount of energy that my mind is by typing as fast as they can while my thoughts spill from my brain. That happens a lot anyway and is not always a bad thing.

It's been an interesting week personally... some old habits that I hate have peeked out, and have not fully exposed themselves but even the short glimpses I've seen I don't like. Why can't I ever STOP being the way that I am sometimes? Most of the time, being me is great. But we all have habits -- ways of interacting with people, ways of reacting to people/things, ways of handling situations, ways of talking/speaking/writing/etc., that we just don't like and we know that we're not good people or at least not the best people when we do those things but we just can't seem to help it on some level. At least I feel like I've been able to curb it somewhat, and it's definitely been better in this sitaution than in other situations in the past. Perhaps that's a benefit of working together every day, sort of. Anyway, I really need to get out and meet some new people and start forming some other friendships. I don't know what it's so hard for me -- supposedly I'm this extroverted person, but you put me in a room with all strangers and I will be the shy girl in the back who barely talks to anyone or who waits for someone to come to her or makes small talk with a few people and not the whole room. It's got to be somewhat of a confidence issue, which I guess bothers me too. I have come such a long way in my levels of self-confidence and self-esteem, and I think that's what bothers me about this recruitment thing and about going to social events by myself. It's like I'm confident in myself, except in certain situations. And yes we all have healthy (and sometimes not so healthy) levels of fear and uncomfortable feelings, but I personally hate being vulnerable like that. Especially because I feel like it's not attractive, and THAT drives me nuts.

Anyway, that's enough of my ranting and rambling for now. I've been singing Godspell and Rent in my head all week, and quite frankly today I had a mad love-affair with the Kindergarten & 1st grades that brought me back to last year... I miss those kids, man, and my 8th graders. Haha, by the way, I totally told off the 7th grade on Tuesday. Ask me someday, and I'll tell you the story. My proudest "Teacher" moments last year and this year have come with my two oldest classes (8th grade at Cabrini and 7th grade here). Fr. Tim says I have a second calling as a teacher -- I say no way in hell, I could never deal with the paperwork or the amount of work they do at home or having to be "on" constantly. I'll leave that to people who are actually passionate about teaching. I'll stick with my fundraising and dealing with kids on a more parttime basis. :)

Mixing Business with Pleasure

I've always heard that mixing business and pleasure is a tricky business. I've found that to be incredibly true lately. I have found a really good new friend in our assistant principal, but he's sort of a "boss" to me and our coworker relationship is a lot more aloof, formal, and "strict" than our personal friendship is becoming. We have a great time outside of school -- hanging out, talking, sharing stories, relaxing, etc. We share a lot of the same interests and can talk for hours. However, it's hard to put that aside in a work-setting. I'm not used to working with someone I feel that personally connected with, especially someone who could potentially become a really great friend. All my other jobs, ever, have had me working with people in either a tolerant relationship (we work together and tolerate each other and that's that) or we've had a great time but didn't really extend the socializing past work or work-related activities. The only time that has not been the case was with Mike & Amy, and that situation was unique and very drama-filled (I'm not even going to go there). This is the first normal and real friendship I've found in Chicago, and it happens to be with a coworker that yes I find I feel an attraction towards. That doesn't help matters, but the potential for friendship closeness is there anyway (and actually makes the attraction part more difficult to ignore).

He said I don't have enough confidence in my abilities, and in a lot of ways he's right. I was very confident in myself and my abilities when I was job hunting, but now that I have a job it's like I'm totally insecure. I think I'm just not comfortable in this environment and that makes it difficult for me to be comfortable and confident in my job. I think the language barrier is a huge issue, and I think the tasks that I'm required to do are so broad and overwhelming that I can only do so much and feel like I'm slacking when I don't get to everything! Fr. Tim wants me to do this recruiting push, and I appreciate AND understand the need for it but that's a full-time job and if I take a month to dedicate to that, then the development/marketing efforts will fall by the wayside (just like me focusing on the development/marketing efforts means the recruiting will fall by the wayside). I feel that in the desire to do marketing, development AND recruiting I am failing to meet expectations for all three. I really want to get parents involved in the recruiting part of things, because they are our best advocates, but that requires organization too. I would much rather do that than feel like I have to do this recruiting thing all by myself. I'm getting a committee to help with my fundraiser, why can't I have a recruiting committee? It's very stressful trying to balance all of this, AND move into my apartment, AND help with all the last minute support/details of Steph's wedding (did I MENTION that Holy Hill said all the girls have to wear straps on our dresses? Fine for the bridesmaids, because ours are strapless/strap convertible, but Steph's was made strapless... she really doesn't want to wear a shawl, so she has to figure out to get straps into her already gorgeous wedding dress... GEEZ. And they couldn't have told us this 8 months ago?!) Anyway, I do thrive under pressure, but this time the emotional impact stems from a deeper feeling of dissatisfaction and like I'm not living up to my potential. I purposely hold myself back because I don't want to burn out, but that means I don't fully immerse myself heart and soul into things, which is where the greatest achievements happen. The only times I have really full given of myself 100% to a "job" were at Cabrini (from the little kids up to the 8th grade musical), Frosh 2-Day retreat, and the week of Christmas Program. Isn't that amazing and sad? Those were the most fulfilling moments of my life, and it's because I truly immersed myself in the mission and purpose and let myself love and be filled with compassion during those times. Why can't I let myself do it anywhere else, esp. in my daily life and in my career? Perhaps it's because I know this isn't my career goal in life... I feel so at home when I think about getting that Masters in Spirituality, but I know I'm not going to do that right now... I need to get through at least one year of work. And of course part of me wonders what will happen with whatever friendships I form here at Procopius if/when I leave in a year or two...

Anyway, I could ramble for a while, but I really need to eat lunch before my 3rd meeting of the day starts in 10 minutes. Pray for me, and know that I am with you always.

Love,
Bri

Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

It is one of the hardest things to do. There's something you are incredibly uncomfortable with, something you really dislike doing, and it becomes something you are required to do. Not only that, but it's something that someone will definitely be checking up on you to make sure you've done it. Everyone's got something like that in their lives. For me, it's the "recruiting" aspect of my "Director of Development & Student Recruitment" job here at St. Procopius School.

I don't know why I'm so anti-recruiting. I think part of it is I hate cold calling. I could call Marquette alumni, no problem, because they already had a vested interest in the school (even if they chose not to recognize that). They'd gone to Marquette, they'd lived there, attended class, been involved in things. They knew the streets and the dorms and the academic buildings. They knew the traditions and the circumstances behind the great university. Even if they chose not to make financial contributions over the years for whatever reason, and even if they had negative views of the "Catholic nature" of the school or "political climate" Marquette creates, that doesn't matter because they're still alumni and they're still part of the Marquette family. When it comes to trying to bring new students into this elementary school, it's a lot harder. I have to go to day cares, real estate agents, churches, and libraries in neighborhoods I don't know, praying I don't get lost (not to mention the transportation difficulties -- either driving an unfamiliar car on unfamiliar streets, or taking a bus or taxi or "L" everywhere). I have to go *hoping* that I don't run into an all-Spanish environment (because I don't speak a lick of the language). I have to go hoping that they'll put out my fliers and even if they do, hoping that those fliers actually do some good.

I know I know, pessimism gets you nowhere. I have always been the optimistic person, and I've always been the "go get 'em" girl. But for some reason, I have this MAJOR insecurity and fear of this aspect of my job. If I had someone, ANYONE, to go do this with me, I'd feel a lot happier and more comfortable. At this point, I am just extremely skittish about the whole thing. It's not good. It's very much stressing me out. I guess I just don't know that it'll do any good, handing out all these fliers. But, we'll see right? I mean, there's no harm in trying. I just have to keep telling myself that because I'm a little passive aggressive & totally procrastinating and putting the whole thing off. Come on God, continue kicking me in the butt, it's ok. :)