Something Fun!

I'm very aware that my last several blogs, and really a good chunk of the last month or two, have really been serious, intense, and sometimes depressing. They've very much shown my struggles in a lot of ways, and I've had a lot of deep soul-searching going on.

But that way of life can be VERY energy-draining if it's not interrupted or not surrounded by moments of pure happiness and fun. Which is exactly what my roommate and I experienced last Friday afternoon.

Audrey took the GRE Friday morning, and I worked until 1:30. It was going to be a long afternoon at my store, with someone calling off and the weather being beautiful (60 degrees and sunny). At the end of my shift though, I took off. I did not feel any guilt, didn't even care what was going to happen after I left. My roommate and I had been planning this fun afternoon (of what we didn't know) to celebrate her finishing the GRE for weeks, and I was thrilled with the prospect of not being inside on such a nice day!

And so we wandered! We walked down Michigan Avenue, stopped in random stores like Crate and Barrel and The Disney Store, just for fun. We went into Water Tower Place because they have a new Vera Bradley store and also found a great little artsy-fartsy store called Chiaroscuro. It was fun to just BE PRESENT, to wander with no plan, to just chat and be goofy and enjoy the sunshine and each other's company. We stopped at the grocery and bought stuff to make a very special and delicious dinner, after which we cleaned up and joked about how messy our kitchen is and how hard it is to clean up.

This has been a running inside joke for us since we moved in, and we both realized we hadn't shared that joke in WEEKS.

The whole day was striking. Neither of us realized quite how stressed out we'd been, or how much we'd been holding it in. I know I internalize a lot of stress and don't always know how much stress I'm hiding. It often comes as a surprise when I relax or unwind and discover just how stressed I've been.

So, our mutual agreement is to try to recognize our stress sooner, to find healthy ways to voice things when we'd normally hold everything in, and to keep each other accountable regarding fun and laughter and joking.

Laughter truly is the best medicine and can make stress dissipate in a flash. As it says in AA's Big Book - "We have been speaking to you of serious, sometimes tragic things. We have been dealing with alcohol in its worst aspect. But we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life! So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn't we laugh? We have recovered and have been given the power to help others." (page 132, in the chapter "The Family Afterward")

I needed this reminder, especially as I continue making my way through the intense and sometimes painful 4th step process, and as I finish the semester and begin to look seriously at grad school applications and what I need for my portfolio. I have to remember to stop and HAVE FUN :)