Creative Identity

God moments came in all shapes and sizes. Last fall, the receptionist at my eye doctor's office and I got to chatting, and it turned out a friend of hers was interested in art therapy too. The receptionist thought her friend was already in the program I mentioned, but it turned out she was just interested in applying there. Five months after we have this conversation, she suggests us as friends on Facebook. We have now been hanging out and chatting, and are quickly becoming friends. Not only do we share a passion for art and art therapy, but I've also found I can share program principles with her.

The timing of us meeting and the topics we've already been able to discuss are profound, and truly make me appreciate the patience and trust I've learned and gained throughout my 18 months in program. It has also given me a new lens to reflect on my own journey into the career path of art therapy, and my own personal creative journey.

During her interview for the Masters program last week, some of the questions she said they asked centered on obstacles in life, art therapy, what it means, why she wants to do it, etc. The personal statement portion of the application has a similar outline - "Why this school, why art therapy, why now?" I think about what my creative outlets used to be, and why I seek to be an art therapist. I used to be scrapbook and journal as my primary artistic outlets. However, I don't scrapbook at all anymore, and my writing is now in the form of blog posts (and 4th step writing). I see those old outlets in a new way - journal-writing had a tendency to be obsessive and analytical, trying to fix, manage, control, solve, and change through writing about the same topics all the time. Taking photos and making scrapbooks proved I was there, I was accepted, I was part of something, I was included. I don't need to prove I'm part of something anymore, and I don't need to obsessively analyze situations. I have a different way of processing (praying, talking it out with a sponsor or friend, then letting go of the outcome and making amends if I did something wrong). I also have a different motivation for being creative - I want to help people, and I want to express myself, whoever I am (I'm still learning). I want to use the practice of art-making and the varied and mixed media available to me to create pieces that represent me. They don't have to prove anything, and they don't even have to have a particular underlying meaning unless I attach one. I just want to express myself and make something cool.

It is a complete God-thing that I'm working through these first 4-7 steps while I'm
taking pre-requisites for an art therapy Masters program and shaping/discovering my own creative identity. I'm learning to put faith and trust in God and his will for me, and I'm shedding old behaviors (personal relationships and old ways of expressing myself creatively), behaviors that don't work or fit for me anymore. I get to uncover my personal AND creative identity all at the same time, which is a tremendous blessing. Who knows what either will look like by the time I turn in my grad school application in November. It doesn't matter, because I'm content being in the process, letting go of the outcome, and am enjoying the fruits of the journey so far.