"This is the End... duh du-duh, duduh duh du-duh"

Revert back to senior year of high school "Company of Singers" show choir closer... I have no idea where that song is actually from, but we sang it as the final song in our show choir set. It seemed to fit as tonight was the last night of GVV 2005-2006. I can't believe it's over. It seems so surreal, and to be honest, it won't hit me until sometime in the next couple weeks. I feel like Nelson & Annie are gone for the weekend like usual, and Clare's headed out of town to visit friends, and the rest of us are taking an extended Christmas vacation again. I feel like in two weeks we should be back to St. Louis, but I know in my mind that won't really happen for most of us, and for those that ARE coming back to St. Louis it won't be the same nor will it be a return to GVV status. As of midnight tonight, the six of us are officially GVVAs (Gateway Vincentian Volunteer Alumni/Associates/All-Stars). Basically, we're the "formers", as in "former volunteers." I am just in shock, I guess. The end came so quickly! The first half of the year was fun and full of newness and adventures. The second half of the year we fell into routines and come March the time started to slip away like sand through my fingers.

But tonight was a fitting celebration of our amazing year together. Mass, singing "Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled," reading our amazing departing covenant and sharing highlights from the year, giving Jim & Geri their gifts (our amazing art work and cool pictures of us), an amazing dinner by Padre David, the Maple Jam Band's live entertainment, and hallway chats late into the evening... who could ask for anything better?

And yea I'm gonna miss this crew. Even Nelson when he's loud, even Annie when she barely talks to me or gets violent :), even Suzette's incessant talking (which I love to death about her), even Clare's bitterness, even Erica's wanderings... I will miss Nelson's hugs and his laughter, Annie's humor and willingness to pitch in and work hard, Suzette's "Do it with joy damnit!" and spiritual maturity, Clare and my twin-like mindset (and doing YMCA/Soulard Saturdays!), and Erica's piano-playing and cribbage skills. I will miss that I can share music with Nelson in the car ride to GASA/St. V's, that Annie can show her soft side when she gets scared of movies and dark things that go bump in the night :), that Suzette & I can understand each other's affection for one worksite over the other & that we can talk about anything related to God or relationships, that Clare will listen and just come visit (and vice versa), and that Erica is such a sweetheart and challenges me to think in new ways. I will miss seeing Jim & Geri after work every day, Fr. Gerry's interest in our lives, Bro. Dave Berning's grumpiness, Bro. Dave Goodman's random offers to go see the play or the symphony or the opera or go dancing, Fr. Tom's theological discussions, Fr. Bill's quick witty remarks, Padre's overexuberent nature about everything & his cooking & camping adventures, and much more! I will miss my kids at Cabrini, like NONE OTHER, but I hope to get to come back and visit every now and then. I will miss the women of Let's Start, but I pray/know I'll be in touch. I will miss having Ali to hang out with and talk to every day in the office, and I will miss life on Arsenal Street.

But this year was amazing. I have learned and grown so much, in so many ways, and I couldn't be more blessed and grateful than to have had this year with these people. Part of me may be afraid I'll never see them again or that I'll lose the Vincentian charism I forged in myself this year, but I know that's not true. This is truly one of those "life-changing experiences" and I will never be the same ever again. I have been "ruined for life" so to speak. :) As I head back home, and eventually hopefully head to Chicago, I will carry this year, these memories, these lessons, and these people with me, in my heart and in my mind and hopefully in my actions, always.

God Bless you all, GVVs '05-'06, and everyone that makes this program possible.

"In Seven Short Days Your Life Will Change Forever"

Yesterday Clare shared this line from a Jamie Cullem song with me, and we both nearly teared up. It was quite appropriate, as in 7 short days our lives as GVVS in St. Louis will be but memories. It's absolutely insane that this year is almost over. I can't believe that all the struggles, all the challenges, all the growth, all the friendships, all the love, and all the memories of this year are going to be over just like *that*. I'm stoked about becoming a GVVA (Gateway Vincentian Volunteer All-Star/Alumni/Associate); I'm ecstatic about moving to Chicago and starting a job there (eventually...); and I'm thrilled that next week begins a mini-vacation for me back in my hometown of Champlin, Minnesota.

But I will be very sad to leave this place and these people. They have meant the world to me and watched me go through many life changes. It sounds corny but it's true. My willingness to seek the poor and to work with them, my weakness for little kids and the unconditional and unencumbered love they offer, my support and protectiveness of the women I see who struggle daily against addictive and criminal thoughts & behaviors. All these things and much more are what have changed in me this year. I have become an adult, I have grown in my spirituality in ways I never expected to, and I have learned what it means to be socially just and passionate about something. It's going to be very difficult to say goodbye to the people, places, and environment that have taught me all that and more.

I will cry... at some point this week I will cry. Tomorrow is my last day of work, and concludes with my last Let's Start meeting (quite appropriate) and going out with the Tuesday night volunteers for drinks & stuff. It'll be sad but it'll be very good. I'm excited. :) Today I got my stuff organized, but Wednesday is packing & cleaning day. Thursday will be "last minute scrapbooking" day. Friday is our big party, Saturday night is the Jason Mraz concert with Suz & Erica, and Sunday I fly home. It really is true how short this last week is -- 7 days isn't much when every day is one more step towards goodbye and the end of an "era".

As for the job search, it continues. I have a positive lead with a high school I visited two weeks ago while I was in Chicago. I have two phone interviews later this week for other jobs. I sent applications in for yet two MORE jobs. Something will happen soon; I can feel it and I'm excited. As my best friend says, "Finally getting a job will certainly solve some problems!" and I replied "Yes but it'll create a bunch more!" :) I'm just ready to be settled and stable. At the same time, I feel a lot of peace and happiness right now, for where I am in my life, for the relationships I've fostered, and the future that God has in store for me. I am so blessed. I hope I never ever forget this feeling.

Saluting 28 years of Service

Yesterday I was able to witness something very cool. My flight from Chicago to St. Louis was to be the Captain/pilot's last flight before he retired officially at midnight (there's a rule that says pilots have to retire at 60). We didn't know it until we got on the plane that that's what all the photographs and excitement were about outside the gate. Captain Struyk told us a little bit about his family and how he came to be a pilot, and it was awesome because his wife was on board and his brother & sister had come down from Michigan to surprise him for the flight. The whole flight had an air of celebration and because it was such a short flight (45 minutes or so) it was very lighthearted. When we touched down (the softest landing I've ever experienced, and they joked it was probably the best of his career), we taxied into the gate area at Lambert airport and two firetrucks met us with an arch of spraying water that drenched the plane in salute (SO COOL!) No one rushed to get out of their seats as we waited in respect for him to turn off the seatbelt sign for the last time. I felt so blessed to be part of that experience and to share in his last flight and the beginning of a hopefully happy, healthy, and relaxing retirement for this American Airlines pilot who gave 28 years of his life to flying. :)

Heading to Chi-Town!

Helloooo peeps!

After a fantastically wet & wild camping & canoeing trip with Padre and 30 of his Hispanic parishioners, I am ready for my Chi-town adventures and interviews! Yesterday was so incredibly relaxing out on the river, and Lassiter & I had a grand time floating along, minus the drunk and beet-red passersby AND minus our little mishap 2 minutes into the trip post-lunch. (That's right, we tipped, get over it! We managed to recover quite nicely thank you very much!) The rest of the campout consisted of muchos napping, bilingual Mass, a fantastic dinner of spaghetti & corn lotus things, and a massive thunderstorm in the middle of the night/early morning that still soaked us when we arose this morning. It didn't stop til sometime after we got home (which was about 9:30 a.m. mind you). I enjoyed the storm and actually felt pretty safe in our non-leaky tent, but I felt bad for the dogs, the kiddos, and anyone whose tent did NOT hold up like ours did. All in all, a great time. :)

Now, I'm off to Chicago for two job interviews and an adventure in surviving the city by myself! I have been working crazy hard Thursday, Friday, and today (and tomorrow) to get my writing/design portfolio done for this trip. Geri had to read through crazy amounts of my writing, and I still have to put the rest of the books (2) together and pick scrapbook pages to bring. Plus I have to pack, which I'm going to do after I finish this entry. I am stoked about this trip. I was hella anxious last weekend, but I have since calmed down. I am getting lots of advice, and lots of help with the public transportation concept. I am staying with the Vincentians at DePaul and they are watching out for me. I have directions & "el" instructions for both interviews, and I know there are coffeeshops near DePaul campus. Ok, the interviews -- Big Shoulders Fund (Marketing/Development Coordinator positions for 1-2 Catholic grade schools) and Cristo Rey Jesuit High School (Development Coordinator position and Director of Special Events & Publications position). WAY super exciting. :) I'm so excited. Erica & I practiced the song I'm going to sing at our last Mass tonight and I enjoyed it so much! I haven't belted like that in ages, and it felt good. I love singing and I love this song. I hope I don't cry when I sing it in a few weeks.

Time to cease rambling and get to packing! Cathc y'all on the flip side! :)

June Blossoms with Gratitude

I am on cloud nine tonight! I have been blessed during this volunteer year to have friends who strengthen and support me in all that I do. I have come out of my shell, can share and vocalize my thoughts and things that are going on in my life, and I no longer feel unqualified for any of the work that I do. I am so proud of myself and so happy to be where I'm at and to be whom I am today.

Can you tell I go to support meetings? :) The Let's Start ladies have given me so much. They are such inspirations for me and my life, to show that no matter what any of us are going through, we can make it through with the power of prayer, the presence of God, and the strength of supportive friends and family. I am especially grateful for Mary & Matthew, two people who are not "Let's Start ladies" as I know them (women, for one, who have been in prison and/or have suffered from drug addictions). Matthew was a SLU student who worked with Let's Start kids throughout this year. Mary was a Dominican novice with a food addiction problem who worked with Learning Club & Let's Start. Both have been amazing supports and wonderful friends in my life this year and I will miss them immensely! Mary got to come say goodbye tonight, which was totally unexpected and wonderful! Many of my favorite ladies came out of the woodwork tonight, and I got many photos to remember them by! :) What a great gift to have a group like this!

I am so excited for my visit to Chicago next week. I am grateful that Bro. Mark got me hooked up on a room so quickly. I am grateful that Toshio & Bro. Mark are willing to help me get to and from O'Hare Airport. I am grateful that DePaul is not that far from downtown and that the el is much more easily navigated than I originally thought. I am grateful that SMDP Waukegan was not just rude, though I am sorry that there was a death in the development director's family (hence why I have not heard anything from them). I am grateful for education, and the possibilities that have arisen to work for and promote education, especially Catholic education. I look forward to the day when I might be able to work for the arts and education, promoting the arts and working to keep the arts in education or find alternative ways for students of ALL backgrounds to experience the arts.

I can't believe there's only 24 days left of the program (not that I'm counting). It's unbelieveable to me that this year that months ago seemed so long is suddenly so short! I have grown so much. As my mom said this weekend, I "have really become a competent young adult who can take care of herself and who knows herself very well." My faith and my compassion and my committment to becoming a voice for those who do not have one is what has changed the most inside me. The Vincentian charism of working for the poor has gotten inside me, like it or not, and I will not feel comfortable or satisfied unless I am doing something that promotes a better life for the poor and underserved. If that means working for an inner-city Catholic school and allowing a diverse population of students the chance to gain a quality education, or working for an after-school program that allows poor children to experience the arts, or whatever it is that I am called to do and end up doing with my life, the poor will NOT be far from my mind or my heart. Jim & Geri would be proud to know that. :)

On that note, I will leave you with one last random thought -- It is VERY IMPORTANT to have regular bowel movements! If you are not pooping at least every other day, SOMETHING IS WRONG! This has been a hot topic in my community over the past couple weeks, but talking to various medical professionals, I have learned that it is true. So, BE AWARE! And, have a good night. :)

Not the Greatest Day Ever

For the past two days my stomach has been upset.
Today I got a dent in mom's front right bumper after hitting this truck in front of me.
I got to go to my favorite Michael's but the sales from last week were over.
The Groves interview went well but it's not the right fit for me (I'm not surprised).

So has anything GOOD happened?

Well of course! I got to surprise Michael for his graduation weekend and he had NO CLUE I was coming in! :) I did get to go to my favorite Michaels' which rocked :) I ran up to see my old high school and they were practicing for graduation, so I got to see this year's senior class. I also saw my old choir director, which was crazy. Sadly, none of the other teachers were around, but I hadn't been back inside the high school since freshman year of college. I walked out with a huge grin on my face and once safely in my car yelled at the top of my lungs, "I can't believe how much has changed in 5 years!" referring not to the looks of the school, the education they're getting, the habits of driving to and from school, the extracurriculars, etc. but referring to the personal growth I (and many of my classmates) have achieved in 5 years. No news on whether we will actually get a 5-year reunion or not, but that's ok. Someday it will happen that all of us will get back together again. :) The other cool thing that I discovered was one of the Masters degrees I want to get, the Masters in Arts Management with a concentration in Arts Youth & Community Development, doesn't require the GRE for admissions! Whoo hoo! The other Masters degree or certicificate I would like to get is Spiritual Formation/Youth Ministry. Both of those are several years down the line, but it's still cool. :)

Tonight I will spend time with a good friend from high school, see my step-brother play baseball, and enjoy being at home. I'll try to enjoy being at home anyway -- I think I'm so ready to go to Chicago, no matter what happens on the job front, that I feel any time spent here will cause me to grow roots and will delay or hinder my travels to Chi-town. I know that's crazy, but I'm feeling ready to jump out of my skin! I gotta get to Chicago. And soon! :)