Come to Jesus Moment

I had an experience today of trying to share with two friends (who are not in Al-Anon, but knew me the year before I joined the program and have watched my journey) about my recent "Come-to-Jesus" moment with my sponsor. I realized how tricky it was to share about the experience with people who are not in program. It's not important whether I can share it effectively or not, but it was really interesting and raised the question: How DO we share our come-to-Jesus moments with others?

This is important only in that sharing our stories is often a really important vehicle for connecting with others. Whether we are giving a retreat talk, a sermon, a lead at a 12-step meeting, writing a personal statement for grad school, or even just getting to know people who could become friends or another significant relationship. How do you share about a profound and important spiritual, emotional, and life-changing experience in a way that doesn't diminish it and yet still gets the point across?

My roommate shared a thought this morning about how sermons are meant to be profound but leads are only meant to be honest. I stumbled through my conversation with Brooke and Tracy tonight, and I could see the furrowed brows. But I managed to convey that I had reached a point where I needed to either take responsibility for my life and my spiritual recovery or not. I chose to keep working with my sponsor, to begin telling her exactly what's going on, because I knew my muddled brain would STAY muddled if I didn't. I have felt more clear-eyed and clear-headed in the past week than I've felt in months. It's a direct result of being transparent, being honest, and being able to say "This is how I'm feeling" or "I feel better today but this is how I felt yesterday and I thought you should know." When I talked to my sponsor today about something, men and relationship-related something, I felt good being able to just stumble through the junk and get to the heart of what I was trying to share with her. I know I'm not doing this perfectly but I'm willing. I'm honest as possible. And I'm open-minded to hear her feedback and suggestions. And I continue to feel clear-headed as a result.

Unless you work the Steps or take part in a 12-step program, it's hard to explain exactly what it's like to go through the journey. It's hard to articulate the power of these come-to-Jesus moments, when something that outsiders might not see as a big deal truly changes the course of how you show up to your life. My whole demeanor has changed. Even one of my regular customers said I looked more myself on Tuesday than I have in a while. How incredible is that? The only change was I realized I needed to take responsibility and ownership of my own spiritual growth and my own life. I had to acknowledge, TO MYSELF, that I'm a mature responsible 29-year old woman, and I need to start acting like it. I hugged my sponsor, crying, and was still holding back, until I just let go and hugged her tighter. That literal and physical surrender was huge. Something so small, and seemingly so corny, and yet so profound for me.

Anyway, I don't know what possessed me to want to share this tonight, but I wanted to put it out in the void. Surrender, willingness, transparency, and a clear head -- that is what I have learned and gained over the past week, and really the past 2+ years. I will continue to work at it, and trust in God's love and guidance and will. AMEN! ;)