It's been a long journey, but we are back together and we are better than ever!
We started dating in late October, broke up after three weeks, got back together (gradual process, by December 1st), broke up in mid-late January, then spent almost 3 months working through a LOT of stuff before we were able to acknowledge that we love each other and we want to work through the rest together. It's been amazing ever since.
The big issues were many-fold:
1) physical intimacy and the role faith/religion plays in the physical;
2) getting settled into a new city and new living environment with a new job and new responsibilities and new challenges making/keeping friends;
3) facing fears and what was motivating the fears (residual hurt and low self-confidence on some levels from previous relationships).
Most of it was stuff I had to work on myself, because most of it I didn't really think about or realize until after the break up (#1 I knew about for sure on some level, #2 to some extent but not as much as #1, and #3 not at all until much later). The last break up in January HAD to happen in order for me to deal with some of these issues and begin exploring them in a way that I was able to articulate.
Luckily, Sully loves me and was able to be patient and supportive, despite some rather unpleasant moments we've had. Valentine’s Day was AWFUL. Not only was it a day based on romance on which we happened to have Marquette basketball tickets, but he was miserably sick and we had some major transportation issues. Needless to say, that was NOT our finest hour. Nor was the Marquette/Pittsburgh weekend in Milwaukee. Oh lord, that is something I hope to NEVER repeat. Sully and I were just at each other’s throats the whole weekend, for real reason other than it was awkward being with the ex. I was able to get along fine with his friends and his sister, but the two of us needed to be kept FAR apart. That was awful too.
However, I had written him a letter attempting to explain some things back in February and he was able to be extremely sweet and supportive when my grandma died (yea, she died. I’m now an orphan grandchild, no living grandparents remaining. It’s REALLY sad, and I miss her SO FREAKING MUCH. Anyway, that's another story). Sully and I were able to finally talk about the letter and us some when we went down to St. Louis for Katie B’s wedding. We left it at, yes we care about each other but we’re not sure we’re ready for or interested in dating again. We decided to just keep having open and honest communication.
On Holy Thursday I went to Mass with Sully and Suzette. I had had a really interesting conversation with my spiritual director earlier than week about being too hard on myself and learning to love myself and learning to let go of the hurt/anger of this previous relationship, something I had never let myself do before. Among many things, these themes were things I was processing. Well Sully and I talked for about 3 hours Thursday night, then Suzette and I talked for 3 hours Friday night. I decided to do this journal/scrapbook exercise taking all the pictures of me and my ex and scrapbooking them, then writing a letter in the blank spaces.
Easter Sunday I spent with Sully's family on the southside. It was wonderful to see his parents and sister (who's been like a little sister to me), and it was nice to see his aunt and grandma again. His cousin's 4-year old son Austin and I really hit it off too, which was fun (I love kids). It was amazing to see the look on Sully's face when he saw me with Austin... it looked like I just melted his heart, and he said "I didn't realize how good you were with kids!" It was nice to see that and have that. Anyway, after dinner Sully drove me home. I had decided I wanted to burn the scrapbook pages, and do it with him, so we did that together when we got home. I had also recorded myself reading the the letter part so I played it while we burned it. We talked for a little bit, kissed a little bit, and ended up acknowledging that we love each other and yes we want to work through the rest of life's challenges together.
We're both extremely happy right now. We've talked long-term (marriage, kids, money, careers) and we're looking forward to many road trips and adventures and dates and long conversations together!
We started dating in late October, broke up after three weeks, got back together (gradual process, by December 1st), broke up in mid-late January, then spent almost 3 months working through a LOT of stuff before we were able to acknowledge that we love each other and we want to work through the rest together. It's been amazing ever since.
The big issues were many-fold:
1) physical intimacy and the role faith/religion plays in the physical;
2) getting settled into a new city and new living environment with a new job and new responsibilities and new challenges making/keeping friends;
3) facing fears and what was motivating the fears (residual hurt and low self-confidence on some levels from previous relationships).
Most of it was stuff I had to work on myself, because most of it I didn't really think about or realize until after the break up (#1 I knew about for sure on some level, #2 to some extent but not as much as #1, and #3 not at all until much later). The last break up in January HAD to happen in order for me to deal with some of these issues and begin exploring them in a way that I was able to articulate.
Luckily, Sully loves me and was able to be patient and supportive, despite some rather unpleasant moments we've had. Valentine’s Day was AWFUL. Not only was it a day based on romance on which we happened to have Marquette basketball tickets, but he was miserably sick and we had some major transportation issues. Needless to say, that was NOT our finest hour. Nor was the Marquette/Pittsburgh weekend in Milwaukee. Oh lord, that is something I hope to NEVER repeat. Sully and I were just at each other’s throats the whole weekend, for real reason other than it was awkward being with the ex. I was able to get along fine with his friends and his sister, but the two of us needed to be kept FAR apart. That was awful too.
However, I had written him a letter attempting to explain some things back in February and he was able to be extremely sweet and supportive when my grandma died (yea, she died. I’m now an orphan grandchild, no living grandparents remaining. It’s REALLY sad, and I miss her SO FREAKING MUCH. Anyway, that's another story). Sully and I were able to finally talk about the letter and us some when we went down to St. Louis for Katie B’s wedding. We left it at, yes we care about each other but we’re not sure we’re ready for or interested in dating again. We decided to just keep having open and honest communication.
On Holy Thursday I went to Mass with Sully and Suzette. I had had a really interesting conversation with my spiritual director earlier than week about being too hard on myself and learning to love myself and learning to let go of the hurt/anger of this previous relationship, something I had never let myself do before. Among many things, these themes were things I was processing. Well Sully and I talked for about 3 hours Thursday night, then Suzette and I talked for 3 hours Friday night. I decided to do this journal/scrapbook exercise taking all the pictures of me and my ex and scrapbooking them, then writing a letter in the blank spaces.
Easter Sunday I spent with Sully's family on the southside. It was wonderful to see his parents and sister (who's been like a little sister to me), and it was nice to see his aunt and grandma again. His cousin's 4-year old son Austin and I really hit it off too, which was fun (I love kids). It was amazing to see the look on Sully's face when he saw me with Austin... it looked like I just melted his heart, and he said "I didn't realize how good you were with kids!" It was nice to see that and have that. Anyway, after dinner Sully drove me home. I had decided I wanted to burn the scrapbook pages, and do it with him, so we did that together when we got home. I had also recorded myself reading the the letter part so I played it while we burned it. We talked for a little bit, kissed a little bit, and ended up acknowledging that we love each other and yes we want to work through the rest of life's challenges together.
We're both extremely happy right now. We've talked long-term (marriage, kids, money, careers) and we're looking forward to many road trips and adventures and dates and long conversations together!
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