Hope

"You are... going to have a great tomorrow."

In September I attended the Renegade Craft Fair in Chicago with a couple girlfriends. The Chicago Reader set up a booth where you could pay $1 and fill out a postcard with your name and address on one side. Then you could pick up a postcard with someone else's address and on the front was a blank black background with the words "You are ___" typed in white. They had white markers where you could fill in the "_____" section. I received mine about a week ago, and someone had written "You are going to have a great tomorrow." This is exactly why I participated in the experiment... what a COOL thing to have an anonymous message from someone you don't even know come to your mailbox and give you a boost of inspiration and kindness for the day?

I'm keeping the postcard handy on the dining room table because I need the reminder that each day has the opportunity to be a great day. I've discovered one of my biggest challenges in life is to deal with the unmanageability that comes when I've taken on too many commitments, when I believe more is my responsibility than is, when my perspective is skewed. This is why the 12 Steps were written in the order they were written - Step One deals with admitting our lives had become unmanageable.

I'm giving a lead on Step One tomorrow, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to share my experience around it. After two years in program, I still come back to Steps 1-3 on a regular basis. I've learned a couple things over the past couple years to help me deal with life when it becomes unmanageable.

1. Get back into today. Unmanageability comes when I try to do too much in one day, when I look too far into the future and get panicked about what's coming. One tool is to come back to what I absolutely HAVE to get done today and what I can realistically accomplish today. It doesn't always work if I can't sift through the crazy in my head to find my priorities, but the tool is still there for me.

2. Gratitude. If I am grateful for what I have, where I am, what I've accomplished, who I am, and what TODAY has given me, I can get back into the present moment and let go of the rest. Gratitude gives me perspective and helps me find my footing again.

3. HALT. If I'm hungry, angry, lonely, tired, those needs must be addressed first or my life will continue to be unmanageable. Usually when I take inventory of that list, the rest becomes clear. I can see what my priorities must be, whether it's a nap, yoga, healthy food, homework, calling a friend, etc. I can usually set my priorities based on a HALT inventory.

4. Remembering I can only do 2-3 extra things a day. Regardless of whether today is a work day or a class day, I can usually only accomplish 2-3 extra things (yoga, homework assignment, email, bills, etc) before I start to feel an overload. Recognizing my limits/boundaries in that respect, I can learn (sometimes I forget, but at least I can learn) to set appropriate goals and let the rest of it go until tomorrow (or the next day, or whenever it fits in or NEEDS to be accomplished).

Flexibility and letting go have been key elements to working Steps One, Two, and Three, and to basically living my life in a happier healthier way. I get caught up in all the STUFF of life sometimes, but I find I get out of the STUFF much quicker than I used to, and I don't put up with unmanageable chaos in my head or my life anymore. Underlying all of this is that trust in God, the conviction that some power greater than me has things taken care of (whether I'm aware of it or not). God is present in everything -- good, bad, ugly, beautiful, chaotic, serene. He's with me in all of it, and willing to help me walk the path of serenity if I let him in and ask his will be done for me.

I'll conclude with a quote from the card my mom sent for my 2-year anniversary in program. It says: "I wish for you an imperfect life, and all the wonder that living can bring... I hope you can value this imperfection... that you will dare to embrace the beauty of all the imperfect lives that surround you, and then you will be perfectly free to step to the beat of your own imperfect heart, and you will have truly lived."

This is my hope for myself, and embracing this gives me hope for a beautiful future ahead.