Tonight, I heard Fr. Jim Hurlburt of St. Alphonsus Church in Chicago speak on forgiveness and love as a precursor to the upcoming season of Lent. One thing I love about the Charis Ministries speaker series is how the topics are so timely, somewhat familiar, and yet always refreshing, engaging, and challenging.
One thing Fr. Jim said most of us were incapable of experiencing unconditional love completely. He says "The true nature of love is only known by experiencing it, but we can't initiate love, we can only respond to and try to imitate it." Most of us will only know partial love, no matter how hard we try, because as humans we will always set conditions, even unconscious ones. Only God and Christ truly understands what "unconditional" love truly is. I relate to this idea on so many levels. I have yet to understand what "unconditional" really means, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to know and love unconditionally. I guess unconditional means acceptance and the realization that I can't control the other person or control anything outside of my own thoughts, behaviors, and actions. So if I "love someone unconditionally" I guess it means I accept them as they are. This doesn't mean I'll perfectly accept them 100% all the time, it just means that overall, I will always fall back on the "I love and accept who you are, as you are, even if I don't like or agree with everything you do or say or represent."
I have yet to fully process all of what this talk meant to me, but I made notes about the different questions I'll be reflecting on throughout Lent. It's amazing to me how much of it is rooted in Ignatian spirituality, AND how much of it I come across in the Al-Anon program I recently started working. I've been blessed with an ability to let go of grudges in a lot of ways, and I don't hold onto a lot of hurt and anger (though I'm not perfect and definitely do hold onto things sometimes). But the relationship between love and forgiveness that Fr. Jim spoke of tonight was something I hadn't realized in quite the same way, despite all my years of retreats, reflections, and built up self-awareness. I will likely continue reflecting on these topics as I start working my Al-Anon steps in the next couple months. For now I'm just grateful for a new way of looking at love and forgiveness.
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