Well I was trying to figure out what subject line to use. Should it be...
"My bus driver's trying to kill me" (reference to my commute this morning)
OR "No wonder young adults don't read the news" (reflection on something I learned last week and noted today)
OR "Resign from the impossible job of trying to keep everyone happy" (a Life's Little Instruction from last week)
OR "Casual Fridays... or not" (reference to Friday's Life's Little Instruction that I read today)
Ok, let me explain.
1) My bus driver this morning drove like a maniac. He just barrelled down Halsted (the street that connects me from my yuppie neighborhood of Lakeview to the Mexican haunts of Pilsen) and would have to slam on the brakes at the stops if someone was there or requested it. He was not cautious at all. He wasn't even running late, so I don't know what his problem was! At times I definitely feared for not only my life but any life that got in his way!!! Luckily, I arrived safe and sound at my stop and had a nice stroll down to the church. But sheesh, could they DRIVE a little bit better? You don't see semi-truck drivers being that reckless, not usually anyway! No wonder people think my bus line is one of the worst in the city. I'm beginning to agree! It really is a little crazy sometimes!
2) Last week I went to a meeting to talk about media relations etc. The presenter was saying that people in our demographic (18-35) don't read or watch the news, and that we "don't really care about the news." Well I definitely fit into that category, which I know is bad because it's good to be informed, but it made me think of the Red Eye advertisements. Red Eye is the FREE daily paper the Chicago Tribune publishes to give people a Cliff Notes version of the news. It also has a lot of pop culture and "stuff to do in Chicago" section. They have an advertising campaign with the tagline "To the Point." The ads have these super short 2-3 word headlines to sum up the content of the paper. So, why don't people our age read or care about the news? Because we can sum it up like those ads: "War continues. Health studies show. Politicians corrupt. Celebrities party. Celebrities marry. Celebrities divorce. Gang violence continues. Murder occurs. Robbery reported. Drugs involved. Someone sent to prison. Sports figure arrested. Sports figure gets bigger salary. Funding cut. Popuation increases. Religions clash. Governments clash." etc. etc. You get the picture. Our generation feels it doesn't need to read the paper because it knows what it's going to see -- variations on these themes and more. No solutions, just reports. Reactivity versus proactivity. It's sort of interesting, isn't it? Anyway, it made me think when I grabbed the Red Eye today. I don't usually read it unless the front page story catches my eye because the news feels like it's the same old stuff every day! Of course, that's not always the case, but you get the point. Kind of depressing, isn't it?
3) I think sometimes we forget that we can't make everyone happy. We feel like we're repsonsible for making sure our boss, significant other, friends, family, strangers on the bus, etc. are happy so as not to cause conflict. We think that if they aren't happy around us, it's because we're doing something wrong. What a load of pressure!!! Good grief! I know I'm guilty of this, but the LLI is true... you can't make everyone happy so you shouldn't overwhelm yourself with trying. I think the goal is to make sure we are each personally happy and that God is happy with our life and our choices. From there we can help others seek or find happiness just by our example. Their happiness should not be our life goal nor should it be a measure of OUR happiness.
4) The LLI quote says "Tell the manager where you bank that you abhor Casual Fridays. Anyone dealing with your money should be dressed in respectful business attire." I read this and immediately thought of my boyfriend in the banking business. When he worked at the bank building, he had to wear a suit and tie every day. Now that he's in more the financial analyst office, he wears business casual every day. They have "casual Fridays" but it doesn't include jeans. I personally don't abhor casual Fridays, and I think if someone is in khakis and a polo versus a business suit, that's ok with me. I guess someone wearing jeans in a bank setting would seem a little strange, but I would not "take my business elsewhere" strictly based on the person's attire.
Random thoughts for the day. Hope you enjoy!
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
From death comes new life
One week ago I was saddened by the news that a high school classmate of mine had passed away.
This week I'm in awe and full of joy for the new baby that came into the world yesterday, courtesy of my dear friends Rob and Jeanna.
It's amazing that the cycle of life continues despite our many trials and tribulations, ups and downs, whether we're ready for it or not.
I am so grateful to have their presence in my life, and to have witnessed (in some small way) this miracle.
I pray everyone comes to understand that both death and new birth are part of life, and that we can always count on the cycle continuing, even in our most desparate of days.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Isolation
I don't know what it is, but I have been feeling terribly isolated the past few days.
Last week was rough. One of our school moms might be deported. A high school classmate of mine died suddenly the previous weekend (third in 10 months, second in the past 2 months). The associate pastor at my school went into rehab for alcoholism. We had major storms that caused a power surge in the school, which in effect killed my computer's motherboard, the security cameras, the doorbell system, the internet (which is back), and screwed with the phones (which are now fixed, though a few phones were fried). And finally, I spent the weekend painting my apartment, and the color sometimes looks good and sometimes looks wrong.
I finally cried Saturday morning, but it didn't help much. I was being a pain in the butt to Sully and I knew it but I tried to let it go. Monday I took a personal day because I was overwhelmed and needed a mental break from everything. I worked out ("joined" Bally's with my free 3-month membership finally) and bought Harry Potter #7 (which I haven't started yet because I am finishing another book first). Yesterday I had a decent day at work but felt crowded. Last night I got myself tipsy on 2 glasses of wine and a beer while I did laundry and watch old episodes of Gilmore Girls. Today I woke up and I feel very very isolated and depressed.
I know God would not want me to be depressed and to be honest I can't really figure out why I'm feeling this way. Part of it is there are friends I haven't seen or spoken to in several weeks. Last week I just didn't have time to connect with anyone because of the crazy emotions (and because Mom was in town for the first part of the week). I haven't seen or spoken to friends from Marquette or from Chicago, and that makes me sad. I also can't really complain about my job, except I feel pressured to do things when I don't have the money, and I feel as though Alma (who has great ideas and enthusiasm) will not understand that some parts of my job are in place and have been in place and you can't just come in and change everything! She has also made me aware, not maliciously but by virtue of her example and experience, how ill-prepared I am to serve this minority community. I don't know the language nor do I know the culture. My ideas and vision for a development and recruitment plan are wrapped up in a white middle-class American point of view. I feel as though I can have relationships with our parents as people but I don't know how to market to them or relate to them professionally. I don't hate my job and I don't want to quit, but boy do I feel as though I'm in the wrong place sometimes AND boy does it make me feel awful to think that my gifts and talents are better served in a place where the population is a bit more like me. Is that horrible?
Some people are able to bridge the gap. Some people are meant to be with "their own kind" and serve that way. I always said that the corporate world needs a sense of mission and spirituality just as much as the nonprofit world. Not that I will likely ever work in a truly corporate environment, although there are corporate environments in certain nonprofit settings. I know I will continue to learn a lot this year about marketing to other cultures, but I also know that part of my job is working with my own culture, since sadly we are the ones with the money.
Is this all that's bothering me? I don't know. Things with Sully and I are good, although there are times I don't know how he puts up with me. I feel moody and nit-picky and bossy and I can't seem to figure out how to stop being that way sometimes.
I'm stressed, depressed, isolated, and alone... and I don't quite know how to get out of it. I do pray, which I try to keep doing even though it doesn't necessarily make me feel better. Other than that, I don't know what else to do. I know I wouldn't hurt myself, at least I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. It doesn't make sense to me to do that. Just because I don't know where my life is going right now doesn't mean that God's given up on my journey. He knows my path and he'll reveal it in due time. I'm not ready to give up yet -- it's far too early to do that. I just have to figure out how to make it through the day and into the next. I'll keep you posted.
Last week was rough. One of our school moms might be deported. A high school classmate of mine died suddenly the previous weekend (third in 10 months, second in the past 2 months). The associate pastor at my school went into rehab for alcoholism. We had major storms that caused a power surge in the school, which in effect killed my computer's motherboard, the security cameras, the doorbell system, the internet (which is back), and screwed with the phones (which are now fixed, though a few phones were fried). And finally, I spent the weekend painting my apartment, and the color sometimes looks good and sometimes looks wrong.
I finally cried Saturday morning, but it didn't help much. I was being a pain in the butt to Sully and I knew it but I tried to let it go. Monday I took a personal day because I was overwhelmed and needed a mental break from everything. I worked out ("joined" Bally's with my free 3-month membership finally) and bought Harry Potter #7 (which I haven't started yet because I am finishing another book first). Yesterday I had a decent day at work but felt crowded. Last night I got myself tipsy on 2 glasses of wine and a beer while I did laundry and watch old episodes of Gilmore Girls. Today I woke up and I feel very very isolated and depressed.
I know God would not want me to be depressed and to be honest I can't really figure out why I'm feeling this way. Part of it is there are friends I haven't seen or spoken to in several weeks. Last week I just didn't have time to connect with anyone because of the crazy emotions (and because Mom was in town for the first part of the week). I haven't seen or spoken to friends from Marquette or from Chicago, and that makes me sad. I also can't really complain about my job, except I feel pressured to do things when I don't have the money, and I feel as though Alma (who has great ideas and enthusiasm) will not understand that some parts of my job are in place and have been in place and you can't just come in and change everything! She has also made me aware, not maliciously but by virtue of her example and experience, how ill-prepared I am to serve this minority community. I don't know the language nor do I know the culture. My ideas and vision for a development and recruitment plan are wrapped up in a white middle-class American point of view. I feel as though I can have relationships with our parents as people but I don't know how to market to them or relate to them professionally. I don't hate my job and I don't want to quit, but boy do I feel as though I'm in the wrong place sometimes AND boy does it make me feel awful to think that my gifts and talents are better served in a place where the population is a bit more like me. Is that horrible?
Some people are able to bridge the gap. Some people are meant to be with "their own kind" and serve that way. I always said that the corporate world needs a sense of mission and spirituality just as much as the nonprofit world. Not that I will likely ever work in a truly corporate environment, although there are corporate environments in certain nonprofit settings. I know I will continue to learn a lot this year about marketing to other cultures, but I also know that part of my job is working with my own culture, since sadly we are the ones with the money.
Is this all that's bothering me? I don't know. Things with Sully and I are good, although there are times I don't know how he puts up with me. I feel moody and nit-picky and bossy and I can't seem to figure out how to stop being that way sometimes.
I'm stressed, depressed, isolated, and alone... and I don't quite know how to get out of it. I do pray, which I try to keep doing even though it doesn't necessarily make me feel better. Other than that, I don't know what else to do. I know I wouldn't hurt myself, at least I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. It doesn't make sense to me to do that. Just because I don't know where my life is going right now doesn't mean that God's given up on my journey. He knows my path and he'll reveal it in due time. I'm not ready to give up yet -- it's far too early to do that. I just have to figure out how to make it through the day and into the next. I'll keep you posted.
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